Bad references... need advice

**MaxPlusTen** · 05-16-2008, 09:34 AM

So help me out here guys... just want to know how you would approach this situation. I applied for a job at my moms company about a month ago and didnt get it, couldnt figure out why, i exceeded the credintials, had plenty of experience, and a good work history. Well they told me they were no longer hiring... my mom found out through a co-worker who told her they are still hiring the reason i didnt get hired was due to a bad reference. My mom found out who it was and to say the least im a little floored. Turns out it was from a long time friend of the faimly. Ive considered this guy a second father firgure for the last 6 years... given him no reason to give me a bad reference, always helped him and his wife whenever they needed help be it picking up grocerys, driving them where they needed to go, or helping them build decks and things of that nature at the drop of a hat... I consider his wife a second mom. My problem now is do i just let it go and stop using him as a reference or do i aproach him possibly risking several long time friendships and causing akwardness for alot of people. What would you guys do if you were in this situation... im beyond pissed and im just trying to figure it all out. My dad believes that he may be the reason my govt. clearance has gotten stalled too.

**310stanger** · 05-16-2008, 09:57 AM

THats messed up man. To be honest i'd flat out ask him wtf. It cant make it worse, he's already giving you bad references. After all the shit you did for him, he doesnt seem very appreciative. Its not like it costs him a damn thing to jus say "he's a great kid and a hard worker"

**third_shift|studios** · 05-16-2008, 10:06 AM

i don't really understand or know enough about this situation...but why would u ever list a friend for professional reference?

**FasstChevys** · 05-16-2008, 10:07 AM

Wow - I'm uncertain if there's another side of this story or not....but, irregardless, I'd do these three things:

1. Stop putting him down as a reference
2. Confront him
3. In the future, always ask the people that you want to use a reference first, before listing them as a reference (I'm unsure if you did this already, but this is just in case you didn't)

**MaxPlusTen** · 05-16-2008, 10:07 AM

it was for a personal reference... they required both... My other fear with confronting him is getting my mom and her co-worker in trouble as the information was not supose to be discussed.

**FasstChevys** · 05-16-2008, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by MaxPlusTen

it was for a personal reference... they required both... My other fear with confronting him is getting my mom and her co-worker in trouble as the information was not supose to be discussed.

The only way it would get back is if "said reference" made a phone call after the confrontation. Perhaps you should get your parent's opinion if you haven't already since they would know this situation much better than any person on this forum.

**310stanger** · 05-16-2008, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by MaxPlusTen

it was for a personal reference... they required both... My other fear with confronting him is getting my mom and her co-worker in trouble as the information was not supose to be discussed.

the solution is simple. sign him up for Girls Gone Wild videos.

**third_shift|studios** · 05-16-2008, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by FasstChevys

Wow - I'm uncertain if there's another side of this story or not....but, irregardless, I'd do these three things:

1. Stop putting him down as a reference
2. Confront him
3. In the future, always ask the people that you want to use a reference first, before listing them as a reference (I'm unsure if you did this already, but this is just in case you didn't)

i swear i just heard a needle scratch a record after seeing that...i don't mean to be grammer gestapo but the word is simply "regardless"

I do agree though...this guy should be confronted, i would confront a friend if i found out they bad mouthed me-it's his risk, not yours

**310stanger** · 05-16-2008, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by third_shift|studios

i don't really understand or know enough about this situation...but why would u ever list a friend for professional reference?

Some jobs ask for references that you have where the person would know you for a long extended period of time. I list friends as references all the time, friends that I know through other jobs.

**MaxPlusTen** · 05-16-2008, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by FasstChevys

Wow - I'm uncertain if there's another side of this story or not....but, irregardless, I'd do these three things:

1. Stop putting him down as a reference
2. Confront him
3. In the future, always ask the people that you want to use a reference first, before listing them as a reference (I'm unsure if you did this already, but this is just in case you didn't)

Yea I had asked him in advance and he was fine with me using him as a reference, thats whats even more confusing about the situation

**FasstChevys** · 05-16-2008, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by third_shift|studios

i swear i just heard a needle scratch a record after seeing that...i don't mean to be grammer gestapo but the word is simply "regardless"

Coming from the guy that can't spell grammar.

There, now we're even.

You knew what I meant, as I did you.

**FasstChevys** · 05-16-2008, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by MaxPlusTen

Yea I had asked him in advance and he was fine with me using him as a reference, thats whats even more confusing about the situation

Good job on the request.........and that is total bullshit. I would for sure confront him then. What a prick!

**310stanger** · 05-16-2008, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by FasstChevys

Coming from the guy that can't spell grammar.

There, now we're even.

You knew what I meant, as I did you.

OWNED

**MaxPlusTen** · 05-16-2008, 10:17 AM

if i sign anyone up for girls gone wild videos its gonna be me lol... but yea my parents are kinda clueless as to how to aproach it too...

**Spaz** · 05-16-2008, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by MaxPlusTen

So help me out here guys... just want to know how you would approach this situation. I applied for a job at my moms company about a month ago and didnt get it, couldnt figure out why, i exceeded the credintials, had plenty of experience, and a good work history. Well they told me they were no longer hiring... my mom found out through a co-worker who told her they are still hiring the reason i didnt get hired was due to a bad reference. My mom found out who it was and to say the least im a little floored. Turns out it was from a long time friend of the faimly. Ive considered this guy a second father firgure for the last 6 years... given him no reason to give me a bad reference, always helped him and his wife whenever they needed help be it picking up grocerys, driving them where they needed to go, or helping them build decks and things of that nature at the drop of a hat... I consider his wife a second mom. My problem now is do i just let it go and stop using him as a reference or do i aproach him possibly risking several long time friendships and causing akwardness for alot of people. What would you guys do if you were in this situation... im beyond pissed and im just trying to figure it all out. My dad believes that he may be the reason my govt. clearance has gotten stalled too.

talk to that prick face to face... maybe his wife wants o hump you or something and he is jealouse...

**FasstChevys** · 05-16-2008, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by 310stanger

OWNED

I had to

I love this smiley

**310stanger** · 05-16-2008, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by MaxPlusTen

if i sign anyone up for girls gone wild videos its gonna be me lol... but yea my parents are kinda clueless as to how to aproach it too...

For one, I wouldn't do a single thing for him ever again. He's beat on all that shit.

**310stanger** · 05-16-2008, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

talk to that prick face to face... maybe his wife wants o hump you or something and he is jealouse...

touche

**FasstChevys** · 05-16-2008, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by 310stanger

For one, I wouldn't do a single thing for him ever again. He's beat on all that shit.

X10

Someone screws you over once..........shame on them..........
Let them screw you over twice......shame on yourself

**MaxPlusTen** · 05-16-2008, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

talk to that prick face to face... maybe his wife wants o hump you or something and he is jealouse...

spaz... what would ls1.com be without you lol

Originally Posted by 310stanger

For one, I wouldn't do a single thing for him ever again. He's beat on all that shit.

way ahead of you... i was supose to help them put docks on our river place this weekend... i suddenly came up with something more important to do... set on my ass and drink beer