Bad Clubing Experience...Need Advice

BOOSTD · 05-06-2006, 12:27 AM

So Ive been really interested in this girl for a few months now (lets call her sarah). We've become pretty good friends, but I've never had a girlfriend before, so I was taking it kinda slow and trying to see how she felt about me. For the past few weeks, we've seen each other every day. I tutor her in one of our classes and have even been helping her work out (lifting weights and such) for a few weeks. She even asks me to come over and study with her (different classes, however) just so she's there with someone. Tonight, she asked me to go to the dance club with her and her friend (female)... Now I'm a very shy guy and it was really hard for me to get out on the dance floor. After 30min or so, I started to get the hang of it and began to enjoy dancing with her. Then along comes this guy and his friends (one of which knows sarah's friend who we had gone to the dance club with). So we all are kinda dancing around and this one guy in the group starts getting really fresh with sarah. Next thing I know, he's grinding with her and has one arm wrapped around her waist, and the other wrapped somewhere between her neck and her waist (you get the idea). A few minutes later, he's got his phone out and is taking down her number. She ended up dancing with him for the rest of the night while I sat at the bar with a water. I know she and I are just "friends," but something inside me hoped that maybe she took me to the club because she wanted to dance with ME.

Needless to say, its really gotten to me. I mean, she only knew him for a few minutes and he had his arms all over her. I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A GIRL, ESPECIALY HER! I have too much respect for women to start fondling them on the dance floor.

I had always hoped that I was a great, hard working, honest, trustworthy, gentlemanly, and good hearted person. When I saw Abricrombi and Fich guys walking around with plastic looking chicks, I had always told myself that I was a better person than that guy. Im not the type of guy who walks around swinging his shit in the breeze. So far, Im 21, never been kissed, and never had a girlfriend, so obviously my thinking was wrong. I feel like such a loser..

Im not sure what I expect from this thread except to maybe tell someone my sorrow. As I sit here at 3:00am, there's no one to talk to. Even if there were someone, they wouldn’t want me crying on their shoulder anyway.

Thanks for listening...

**shadegray** · 05-06-2006, 01:51 AM

I'm not just saying this to piss you off, but I'm not going to give you sympathetic condolences either, so stop reading if that's all you're looking for. Man to man, you need to grow a set. I've been that guy taking a chick from her guy friend. Or her other girlfriends. I've also been the guy who had girls taken away. The hopeless romantics are all virgins. Most of my early teens were like that. But you got to grow up sometime. You're not a teenager anymore. If you're interested in a girl, you need to go for it. Stop feeling it out, and waiting for months. Nothing'll happen that way. Just go for it. Even if you fail, at least you'll know about where you stand. It won't be easy if you've never had a girlfriend, a kiss, or been that secluded so far. But you need to do this so you don't end up a lonely old man, masturbating to pics in your high school yearbook.

You're not going to like hearing it, but at a club, when you just go up to a chick you've never met like that, she knows what you want. And it's not to be a nice, loving boyfriend to her. Honestly, when I get girls from clubs and parties, I'm not proud of it, but I don't think of them as equal people. That makes it hard to shamelessly go picking them up. And that's what they want, for you to be confident and outgoing in trying to get her. If they want to dance with you, they want you to put your hands all over. And everyone dances that way. She grinds her ass and rubs her body against you, you grind up against her, and she grinds up against your hips, your leg, or maybe pick her up by the ass and have her wrap her legs around your waist if she's really into you. Sometimes it's more like dry humping than dancing. You try to get her all wet.

Needless to say, its really gotten to me. I mean, she only knew him for a few minutes and he had his arms all over her. I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A GIRL, ESPECIALY HER! I have too much respect for women to start fondling them on the dance floor.

That's because you haven't had the chance to. If you'd been more aggressive with sarah, then those guys wouldn't have jumped in and taken her off you. When you have a girl coming up and telling how cool and everything she thinks you are, and sits in your lap to try making out with you, you're not going to say no, period.

Maybe this isn't the best environment for you, since you're utterly virgin in any kind of romantic relationship with girls. If you can stomach it though, you'll meet a lot of girls in a very short time.

**GM Man** · 05-06-2006, 02:03 AM

I too was the "other guy" that came in and stole someone elses girl and she became my wife. Dont be a good nice guy, most girls dont want a boring kind of guy. You have to make your move, or if you dont someone like me will. Good luck.

**KyleLs1** · 05-06-2006, 08:06 AM

dont hate the player, hate the game

you should have been all over that girl, and when the guy was dancing with her you shoulda been right in there and grinded with her and the other guy would have got the hint... or maybe your dear sarah is just looking for a good fuck and she doesnt seem to see that happening with you

next time... man up and go for it, the worst she can do is say no ( in which case she is not worth your time anyway)

**Aerialist** · 05-06-2006, 08:42 AM

The female barnswallow is an interesting bird.
She gets the most doting male (small tailed *sucker*) to build her nest for her.
While he's building the nest, she goes over to the other side of the barn and mates with the male with the biggest tail.

Then she goes back and mates with her nest building mate and they live happily ever after with all her big tailed offspring.

Moral of the story ... anybody?

**apache** · 05-06-2006, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by shadegray

I'm not just saying this to piss you off, but I'm not going to give you sympathetic condolences either, so stop reading if that's all you're looking for. Man to man, you need to grow a set. I've been that guy taking a chick from her guy friend. Or her other girlfriends. I've also been the guy who had girls taken away. The hopeless romantics are all virgins. Most of my early teens were like that. But you got to grow up sometime. You're not a teenager anymore. If you're interested in a girl, you need to go for it. Stop feeling it out, and waiting for months. Nothing'll happen that way. Just go for it. Even if you fail, at least you'll know about where you stand. It won't be easy if you've never had a girlfriend, a kiss, or been that secluded so far. But you need to do this so you don't end up a lonely old man, masturbating to pics in your high school yearbook.

Hey, don't hold back. Tell it how you really feel. You sound like the classless act who makes moves on women who are already taken.

Originally Posted by shadegray

That's because you haven't had the chance to. If you'd been more aggressive with sarah, then those guys wouldn't have jumped in and taken her off you. When you have a girl coming up and telling how cool and everything she thinks you are, and sits in your lap to try making out with you, you're not going to say no, period.

Any guy who make a move like this while another guy is right fucking there with the chick, that type of guy is an asshole. Cold heartless. Type of guy who might get punched out. You can't justify making the moves on a chick while there is another guy dancing with her.

**apache** · 05-06-2006, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by GM Man

I too was the "other guy" that came in and stole someone elses girl and she became my wife. Dont be a good nice guy, most girls dont want a boring kind of guy. You have to make your move, or if you dont someone like me will. Good luck.

Stole someone else's girl? I'd be careful how you "brag" about that. There's something about stealing another man's woman that is downright offensive.

BOOSTD · 05-06-2006, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by shadegray

I'm not just saying this to piss you off, but I'm not going to give you sympathetic condolences either, so stop reading if that's all you're looking for. Man to man, you need to grow a set. I've been that guy taking a chick from her guy friend. Or her other girlfriends. I've also been the guy who had girls taken away. The hopeless romantics are all virgins. Most of my early teens were like that. But you got to grow up sometime. You're not a teenager anymore. If you're interested in a girl, you need to go for it. Stop feeling it out, and waiting for months. Nothing'll happen that way. Just go for it. Even if you fail, at least you'll know about where you stand. It won't be easy if you've never had a girlfriend, a kiss, or been that secluded so far. But you need to do this so you don't end up a lonely old man, masturbating to pics in your high school yearbook.

You're not going to like hearing it, but at a club, when you just go up to a chick you've never met like that, she knows what you want. And it's not to be a nice, loving boyfriend to her. Honestly, when I get girls from clubs and parties, I'm not proud of it, but I don't think of them as equal people. That makes it hard to shamelessly go picking them up. And that's what they want, for you to be confident and outgoing in trying to get her. If they want to dance with you, they want you to put your hands all over. And everyone dances that way. She grinds her ass and rubs her body against you, you grind up against her, and she grinds up against your hips, your leg, or maybe pick her up by the ass and have her wrap her legs around your waist if she's really into you. Sometimes it's more like dry humping than dancing. You try to get her all wet.

That's because you haven't had the chance to. If you'd been more aggressive with sarah, then those guys wouldn't have jumped in and taken her off you. When you have a girl coming up and telling how cool and everything she thinks you are, and sits in your lap to try making out with you, you're not going to say no, period.

Maybe this isn't the best environment for you, since you're utterly virgin in any kind of romantic relationship with girls. If you can stomach it though, you'll meet a lot of girls in a very short time.

Thanks for the encouragement...or lack there of.

Make me feel even more like shit...

BOOSTD · 05-06-2006, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by KyleLs1

dont hate the player, hate the game

you should have been all over that girl, and when the guy was dancing with her you shoulda been right in there and grinded with her and the other guy would have got the hint... or maybe your dear sarah is just looking for a good fuck and she doesnt seem to see that happening with you

next time... man up and go for it, the worst she can do is say no ( in which case she is not worth your time anyway)

Trust me, right now Im wishing that I could go back to last night and do it over again. Believe me, I would have done things different. Like I said, I really started to enjoy dancing with her, but it was still pretty nerve racking. In retrospect, I should have never let that guy dance with her even if we're "just friends" for now.

**apache** · 05-06-2006, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by BOOSTD

Thanks for the encouragement...or lack there of.

Make me feel even more like shit...

Don't feel bad man, just forget about it and move on. Don't pay attention to this girl anymore. If she likes you as more than a friend and wants to have anything further to do with you, she will come after you believe me. Considering what's happened, just treat her like everyone else and don't make yourself too available. Women are all the same.

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 05-06-2006, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by apache

Hey, don't hold back. Tell it how you really feel. You sound like the classless act who makes moves on women who are already taken.

Any guy who make a move like this while another guy is right fucking there with the chick, that type of guy is an asshole. Cold heartless. Type of guy who might get punched out. You can't justify making the moves on a chick while there is another guy dancing with her.

If he was on her and grinding like he should've been then the other dude would've never even tried to jump in.

BOOSTD
If you're lucky then she might of been trying to make you jealous enough to make a move. Bottom line...you need to get out of the friend zone one way or another. Give her a call and ask her on a date....and if the club thing bugs you a lot then bring it up in conversation....but not the first thing that comes out of your mouth. If she acts like a bitch then the hell with her and move on....or use her as a hook up to get her friends in bed. If she hooks up with the guy from the club you'll know it....you'll see a drastic decrease in how often you guys talk or "hang out".

Bottom line is this isn't high school anymore bro...you need to be aggressive but still be yourself. So if you're a shy, nice guy then keep that quality but work on it to where it's not handicapping you. Some chics dig the shy/mysterious thing.....use it to your advantage, but going that route you do have to be half-way good looking and in shape IMO. Good luck

**apache** · 05-06-2006, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by SeVeReDiStOrTiOn

If he was on her and grinding like he should've been then the other dude would've never even tried to jump in.

No but this is where you are wrong. If your personal style is to grind with a chick, then fine. However, the other guy should not have jumped in regardless, because the girl was already there with another guy.

You see, guys like you don't understnd this situation, but if and when it happens to you you will be the first to cry foul. Picture this, you are at a club and dancing with your little sister or a cousin, amongst a group of people. But let's just say for the sake of arguement you are in such a proximity that it could look like you are her bf or date, whatever. The other guy doesn't know she is your sister or cousin. So according to the logic being laid out on this thread, weshould always grind in on women to prevent the other guys from moving in? And if you were there and some aggressive guy comes along and starts putting his hands all over her and "grinding" with your sister then what? Would you be OK with that? Or would you think the guy is an asshole? The bottom line is, when you are with a girl beside her or whatever, engaging in conversation/activity, that should be enough reason for other guys to show some restraint and not move in. Too bad you guys have a double standard.. its ok for you to move in and "grind" but not for others to do that to you right? Too funny.

**Hi-Po** · 05-06-2006, 09:48 AM

Dont get down bro... she will come around. If she doesnt then find a diff. one and attack that ass with persistance and confindance(sp). Pick yourself up dust off and count it as aloss and go on with your Saturday. Its fucking Saturday! ethier call that girl up right now and ask her to hang out or do your best to find another lucky lady. What you need to do is stop thinking of yourself as a damn virgin to everything. When a dude that has gotten more girls that Ron Jermey goes and tries to get a girl at a party he is thinking about how easy it was before. Your putting to much stress on this one girl/night/event. Grab some confidence (maybe a beer??) and go have a good night and get a fucking girl.....!! Good luck!

**Hi-Po** · 05-06-2006, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by SeVeReDiStOrTiOn

Bottom line is this isn't high school anymore bro...you need to be aggressive but still be yourself. So if you're a shy, nice guy then keep that quality but work on it to where it's not handicapping you. Some chics dig the shy/mysterious thing.....use it to your advantage, but going that route you do have to be half-way good looking and in shape IMO. Good luck

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 05-06-2006, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by apache

And if you were there and some aggressive guy comes along and starts putting his hands all over her and "grinding" with your sister then what? Would you be OK with that? Or would you think the guy is an asshole? The bottom line is, when you are with a girl beside her or whatever, engaging in conversation/activity, that should be enough reason for other guys to show some restraint and not move in. Too bad you guys have a double standard.. its ok for you to move in and "grind" but not for others to do that to you right? Too funny.

You pretty much answered your own question....you never know what the relationship is between a girl and guy in a club. So just because a girl walks in with a guy it doesn't mean they're together....like you stated it could be her brother/cousin. From the other guys perspective you just take the chance and move in on the dance floor or talk to her when she's Bs'in and drinkin. I also have a sister, so from that perspective i'm personally too protective of my sis to go to a club with her. But if I did, I know she's a grown woman and she's going to be dancing with guys...and if I go with her then i have to be able to stomach it. Samething goes when you go to a club/bar with a chic "friend"...if you can't stomach it then don't go or make it so she's more then a friend.

There's no double standard...no one likes to be moved in on, that's why you take steps to prevent it or just don't put yourself in that situation.

**apache** · 05-06-2006, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by SeVeReDiStOrTiOn

You pretty much answered your own question....you never know what the relationship is between a girl and guy in a club. So just because a girl walks in with a guy it doesn't mean they're together....like you stated it could be her brother/cousin. From the other guys perspective you just take the chance and move in on the dance floor or talk to her when she's Bs'in and drinkin. I also have a sister, so from that perspective i'm personally too protective of my sis to go to a club with her. But if I did, I know she's a grown woman and she's going to be dancing with guys...and if I go with her then i have to be able to stomach it. Samething goes when you go to a club/bar with a chic "friend"...if you can't stomach it then don't go or make it so she's more then a friend.

There's no double standard...no one likes to be moved in on, that's why you take steps to prevent it or just don't put yourself in that situation.

Interesting response. But I think when you see a guy WITH another girl in a dance club, it would be safer to assume they are together than to assume they are not. If they are together, you should not move in. Isn't that reasonable?

Let me ask you something -- you are at a dance club or party and casually dancing with your gf/fiance/wife, whatever. Out of nowhere some guy moves in and starts dancing with her, eventually putting his hands on her and making some moves. Are you OK with that?

Your perspective on things is flawed because it excludes any expectation of reasonable or fair behavior from the other guys who are moving in. So next time I see you at a dance club with a nice chick, I'm going to move straight to the dance floor and start rubbing my dick right up against her ass and feeling her nice breasts, and if you don't like it too bad. I don't know if she is your gf or wife, I assume you are not together unless you are "grinding" her.

**SeVeReDiStOrTiOn** · 05-06-2006, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by apache

Let me ask you something -- you are at a dance club or party and casually dancing with your gf/fiance/wife, whatever. Out of nowhere some guy moves in and starts dancing with her, eventually putting his hands on her and making some moves. Are you OK with that?

There's a big difference between being there with you gf/wife and being there with a chic friend. I've had guys try to get in on a 3-way grind with my girl and me before....you just speak up and tell the dude this is your g/f. Usually if the dudes not completely wasted he'll go away.... if he doesn't go away then there's a problem and then you get rid of him using other methods. It's really not as complicated as you make it out to be.

**D!ck** · 05-06-2006, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by Aerialist

The female barnswallow is an interesting bird.
She gets the most doting male (small tailed *sucker*) to build her nest for her.
While he's building the nest, she goes over to the other side of the barn and mates with the male with the biggest tail.

Then she goes back and mates with her nest building mate and they live happily ever after with all her big tailed offspring.

Moral of the story ... anybody?

most animals that pair for life, procreate with animals other than there life partner. its a fact.

sleazy guys get more tail. disgusting but true.

**LS1WS6** · 05-06-2006, 10:36 AM

yea watch out for the cockblockers, had my friend do that to me once but the girl blew him off and walked around him and talked to me anyway lol... Cockblocking is basically what happened to you, your with a girl or start talking to a girl and some douchbag cuts in between you and her either by simply talking about things that she is intrested in or simply cutting right between you and starting a new conversation right over your own.. Sucks but it happens.. Like others say you have to grow a pair. I too was the shy guy who waited long periods of time to try and make a move and by then it was too late, another dude walked in. From what you have told us here to me it looks like you are in the FRIEND ZONE.. And that means your past the point of hooking up and she only sees you as a friend. Since you didnt make a move and were (too nice) she is taking you as a friend.. It is possiable to get out of the friend zone but its going to be tuff and since your shy its even worse.. I dont know how you are personally but i would suggest that you try to change yourself a bit ex. Shop for clothes that make you look good/that you feal confident in wearing. Im not saying go and buy a suit/preppy clothes just find something that when you look in the mirror you feal good about your self. Grow some facial hair/try different looks and see how general girls in public look at you. I noticed if i have a goatee the older women check me out(35-40 range--had a few of thoes lol). When im shaved clean the younger girls will take a look(18-30). Go to the gym and work out, this will not only make you look better but you will feal stronger and more confident-you'll get the im a bad ass now and this will make you more loose and be able to talk to girls easier and tell them how you really feal instead of just you saying something nice but deep down inside your thinking you want to fuck this girl.

These are just some tips and again i dont know how you are personally but confidence is key, moderate drinking can help you loosen up--dont get piss drunk.

Now just cause he had his phone out getting a number doesn't mean she gave him her number, could have been just to get rid of him. If you really want this girl you need to make a move now, not next week, hell not tomorrow NOW cause if she did give him her number he is going to work his way in and you will be out.

I suggest you do the reverse of what she did, ask her to go with you and your friends to the club/movies/party or what ever. Have some drinks, bullshit with your friends(friends can be your back up as well as making you feal confident). Just go out and simply have a good time, make her laugh and then talk to her or make a move to kiss her or just look at her in a way that tells her that you want something more than just friends..

**apache** · 05-06-2006, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by SeVeReDiStOrTiOn

There's a big difference between being there with you gf/wife and being there with a chic friend. I've had guys try to get in on a 3-way grind with my girl and me before....you just speak up and tell the dude this is your g/f. Usually if the dudes not completely wasted he'll go away.... if he doesn't go away then there's a problem and then you get rid of him using other methods. It's really not as complicated as you make it out to be.

In my book, any guy who pulls stunts like this is an asshole and that is my overall point. You seem to be more of an apologist, probably because you are one of those guys who moves in on other chicks while they are with guys. So this is your way of justifying it all. All I can say is that you need to calculate your assumptions responsibly while in a clubbing environment, otherwise risk a fist to the mouth *without* warning. Not complicated at all my friend.