BABY JOKES (NWS) parents: do not read!

**ATCharming** · 09-13-2007, 07:58 PM

if you have a baby, gtfo of the thread or u will hate me.
if you have a week stomache, gtfo. (get the fuck out)
if you do not have a sick sense of humore (gtfo)

ok i think i covered my ass, so i dont offend anyone (tho it still will probably...)

disclaimer: this small collection of baby jokes will offend most about everyone without a sick sense of humor. i do not hate babies, i do not kill babies, but these jokes i cried laughing over. dont get me wrong, babies are adorable, but i cant help laughing at these jokes, just cuz me and the ppl that helped me collect these jokes have sick senses of humor.

here we go... :shitstorm

(i cant stress enough, the fact that you HAVE to have a sick sense of humor to laugh at these, but if you do, they are hillarious... i really dont wanna hear any bitchin about how horrible they are, and how bad of a person i am, cuz i warned you all)

what's 12 inches long, pink, hard and drives women mad?
cot death

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin thru it's head

What's red and sits in the corner?
a baby chewing on razor blades.

What's blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a plastic bag.

What's green and sits in the corner?
The same baby a month later.

What's red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.

What's red and swings back and forth?
A baby on a meat hook.

How do you make a baby float?
2 scoops ice cream and 1 scoop baby

What's easier to unload: A truckload of bowling balls orn a truckload of dead babies?
A truckload of dead babies because you can use a pitchfork.

When a baby is being born, why do they boil water?
So that if its born dead they can make soup.

What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.

What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.

Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
The family used it to crack nuts.

What's red and screams and goes around in circles?
A Baby nailed to the floor.

What's black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it's finger in a power point.

What's green and spins around at 100mph?
A frog in a blender.

What's red and spins around at 100mph?
A baby that's crawled in after it.

What's blue and yellow and floats at the bottom of the pool?
A baby with slashed water-wings.

What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin thru its neck

What's black and bobs up and down?
A baby in a toaster.

What squeals and goes around at 100mph?
A baby in an electric fan.

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

What's worse than 6 babies in one jar?
One baby in 6 jars...

What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.

What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!

Did you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle
baby oil?

How do you save a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head

What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off afterwards.

What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200mph?
Stopping it with a shovel.

How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them.

What do u call a baby with no arms or legs in a swimming pool
bob.

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline.
When jumping on a baby, u take off your boots.

How do you make a baby float?
Take your foot off its head.

***contributing members include Blitzed, BurnWs6, and thecorrectformula***

**Blitzed** · 09-13-2007, 07:59 PM

First Response!@ Fucking Owned Bitches!

**burnws6** · 09-13-2007, 08:01 PM

hahaha....1/3 of those are mine.... babies got p3wned....stupid little things

**thecorrectformula** · 09-13-2007, 08:02 PM

third response, and your a sick bastard. Who would type this type of stuff??? lol Of course I wouldn't do such a thing. LOL

**ATCharming** · 09-13-2007, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by thecorrectformula

third response, and your a sick bastard. Who would type this type of stuff??? lol Of course I wouldn't do such a thing. LOL

.... as i just added ur name in "contributing members" in the original post...

**thecorrectformula** · 09-13-2007, 08:03 PM

Shit!! It's a lie, I swear.

**Blitzed** · 09-13-2007, 08:04 PM

EDIT: Alex chugs semen

**burnws6** · 09-13-2007, 08:04 PM

copy and paste the link into chat

**ATCharming** · 09-13-2007, 08:08 PM

Originally Posted by burnws6

copy and paste the link into chat

what link?

**Blitzed** · 09-13-2007, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by ATCharming

what link?

www.ObeseGrannyTrannySlayer.Org

**thecorrectformula** · 09-13-2007, 08:12 PM

What's blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a plastic bag.

That's my favorite one

**Blitzed** · 09-13-2007, 08:13 PM

http://youtube.com/watch?v=crBFwvmyQgU

**thecorrectformula** · 09-13-2007, 08:14 PM

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples

**lemons12** · 09-13-2007, 09:23 PM

fucked up but funny as hell... the frog in the blender then what is red and goes around... a baby that went in after it... damn.....

**FSANE** · 09-13-2007, 11:28 PM

What is the purpose of those joke....I am not offended in any way, but just can't understand why would someone make these so called jokes?

**FuriousGeorge** · 09-14-2007, 01:48 AM

here's my all time favorite:

what's the best thing about fucking a pregnant chick?
you get sex and a blow job at the same time.

**02ultraZ** · 09-14-2007, 07:41 AM

The one with the dump truck i have heard before but worded better:

What's the difference between a dump truck full of bowling balls & a dump truck full of dead babies?

You can't get the bowling balls out with a pitch fork.

I have another too.

What's the difference between a porche Carrera & a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a porche in my garage.

**b.lee** · 09-14-2007, 07:57 AM

sickos.

**JwMonE99** · 09-14-2007, 12:20 PM

I didnt think they were that funny, mostly dumb, couldnt make me laugh, but then I read about the one about the fucking a pregnant women, made me laugh my ass off

**99blueZ** · 09-14-2007, 12:22 PM

how long does it take to microwave a dead baby?
- I don't know, I was too busy masterbaiting

Whats the difference between a pile of bricks and a pile of dead babies?
- You can't eat your way out of a pile of bricks.

Whats funnier than a dead baby?
- Dead baby in a clown suit.

Whats funnier than a dead baby in a clown suit?
- Two dead babies in clown suits.

Whats funnier than 2 dead babies in clown suites?
- Nothing