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  1. #1
    10 year lurker DrMilhouse's Avatar
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    advice please? (or money :D)

    Okay, so my friend asked me a few months ago to be his best man. Great, sounds good. He is getting married in Mexico which I kind of suggested not to do but he wouldn't here any of it. I had a decent job at the time and although it would have been tight, I could have afforded going away for a weekend.

    Well, I've been out of work for almost 2 months, working here and there doing odd jobs. Money is gone pretty much, he's getting married in 2 1/2 weeks. He just dropped the bomb on me that the hotel we're staying at is going to be $600 (for 3 days) on top of airfare which is going to be about $400. Tux rental and all the other stuff that goes with being in the wedding.

    I like the guy, he's a good friend and he's always been there if I ever needed anything, but this just isn't feasible now. Does anyone else think that making that request for someone to leave the country for your wedding is unreasonable if you don't intend to pay for at least every major part of it?

  2. #2
    10 year lurker DrMilhouse's Avatar
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    Eh, forget it. I called him and told him that it just wasn't something I could do no matter how bad I wanted to. He hung up on me mad. I didn't expect him to like it, so it went like I expected it to.

    I'm depressed as hell and I feel like a sack of shit over it. What's a guy to do?

    vent rant and all that....

  3. #3
    Single Malt rbob93's Avatar
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    For your "friend" to be so insensitive to your situation is beyond belief.

    For him to be so rude and demanding is beyond crass and boorish.
    A true friend would not want to place a financial burden on you that you cannot afford.

    Send a card and/or a small gift (affordable) wishing he and his new bride well.
    Don't offer an apology, you don't owe him one.

    Don't feel depressed about it, he's the one that should feel badly, not you.
    He may come around later and decide he was a real shithead.
    Weddings can be truely stressfull times, and he may just be caught up in things and not thinking clearly.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by rbob93
    For your "friend" to be so insensitive to your situation is beyond belief.
    insert im with stupid icon ^^

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  6. #6
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    I guess i'm against the overall view here then. I think it's kinda shady for you to bail out on your friend over 800-1000 bux. Especially since you were his best man.

    you said he's your friend and he's always there for you...but when he asks you to be there for him you bail on him if it's inconvenient for you.

    I guess it depends on what's more important to you. His friendship or $800?

    If $800 can come between you then you were never his friend.
    Last edited by mdh100; 02-14-2006 at 11:36 PM.

  7. #7
    BIGRED Z
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    Quote Originally Posted by rbob93
    For your "friend" to be so insensitive to your situation is beyond belief.

    For him to be so rude and demanding is beyond crass and boorish.
    A true friend would not want to place a financial burden on you that you cannot afford.

    Send a card and/or a small gift (affordable) wishing he and his new bride well.
    Don't offer an apology, you don't owe him one.

    Don't feel depressed about it, he's the one that should feel badly, not you.
    He may come around later and decide he was a real shithead.
    Weddings can be truely stressfull times, and he may just be caught up in things and not thinking clearly.
    Well said. I agree.


    I guess i'm against the overall view here then. I think it's kinda shady for you to bail out on your friend over 800-1000 bux. Especially since you were his best man.

    you said he's your friend and he's always there for you...but when he asks you to be there for him you bail on him if it's inconvenient for you.

    I guess it depends on what's more important to you. His friendship or $800?

    If $800 can come between you then you were never his friend.
    It's not a matter of inconvenience, he didn't say he bailed because a hot blonde offered him a quick lay that weekend. He's unemployed and strapped for cash. To someone behind on bills and hurting finacially, 1000.00 is a MAJOR deal. Since you have such a cavalier attitude, why don't you loan him the grand?


    Lori
    Last edited by BIGRED Z; 02-14-2006 at 11:52 PM.

  8. #8
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    if it was a friend of mine that asked me to be his best man...i'd find a way to come up wiht the money....even if it meant borrowing it from friends or family.

    as far as i'm concerned, putting money over friendship is pretty sad.

  9. #9
    BIGRED Z
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    Quote Originally Posted by mdh100
    if it was a friend of mine that asked me to be his best man...i'd find a way to come up wiht the money....even if it meant borrowing it from friends or family.

    as far as i'm concerned, putting money over friendship is pretty sad.
    I see your point about letting money come between friends, but this situation is a little different. Getting married in a different country puts you in a position of having to understand that not everyone can just come up with that kind of cash to attend.

    What if it means your kids go without food, clothing, shelter etc, or you fall behind on bills. People have responsibilities. That doesn't go away just because a friend decides he's getting married in Mexico.

    BTW, millhouse, does your friend realize the US no longer recognizes marriages outside of the country? So they'll have to get married here anyway.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by BIGRED Z
    Well said. I agree.




    It's not a matter of inconvenience, he didn't say he bailed because a hot blonde offered him a quick lay that weekend. He's unemployed and strapped for cash. To someone behind on bills and hurting finacially, 1000.00 is a MAJOR deal. Since you have such a cavalier attitude, why don't you loan him the grand?


    Lori

    I've been strapped for cash....i'm sure much worse than the author of the thread...and I still managed to make it out to Vegas for a friends wedding. (For a little background info. I was in grad school, I had no extra $$, I had quite a few school loans, and I had to borrow $$ from my parents for the airplane ticket. But I do think there's a big difference between me and most people......my friends and I have a little loyalty towards each other...what's the point of friendship if you're not there when they want you to be? Putting money before friendship is very petty.
    Last edited by mdh100; 02-15-2006 at 08:23 AM.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by rbob93
    For him to be so rude and demanding is beyond crass and boorish.A true friend would not want to place a financial burden on you that you cannot afford.

    From the author's post...the friend never placed a financial burden on him. He had a job when he was asked to be best man from the author's original post. You make it sound like the friend asked him to spend $1000 when he knew he didn't have a job...but in fact he did have a job. So basically what your saying is....it's complete BS for anyone to pay any amount of money to make it to a wedding...even if they have a job? Either that or your statement is based on fase information.

    If the author of the post didn't have a job prior to the person asking him to be best man then I would completely understand where he's coming from.
    Last edited by mdh100; 02-15-2006 at 08:25 AM.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by BIGRED Z
    I see your point about letting money come between friends, but this situation is a little different. Getting married in a different country puts you in a position of having to understand that not everyone can just come up with that kind of cash to attend.

    What if it means your kids go without food, clothing, shelter etc, or you fall behind on bills. People have responsibilities. That doesn't go away just because a friend decides he's getting married in Mexico.

    BTW, millhouse, does your friend realize the US no longer recognizes marriages outside of the country? So they'll have to get married here anyway.

    If your kids go without food over a $800 trip...then I'd say the trip to Mexico for the wedding is not the real problem.

    In which case the author should've never agreed to be best man in the first place. And if you don't have friends that would loan you $800 then you need to re-evaluate who your friends are.

    It's not like the author of the thread is young where he wouldn't have any savings. It says he's 29. If you're 29, you've had plent of time to save some $$. You should have some $$ saved up for emergencies such as being unemployed, etc....unless you went to school year after year to get a Ph.D...in which case you would just be graduating at the age of 27-30.
    Last edited by mdh100; 02-15-2006 at 12:55 AM.

  13. #13
    Love buying generic GM's Nastyfoot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrMilhouse
    Eh, forget it. I called him and told him that it just wasn't something I could do no matter how bad I wanted to. He hung up on me mad. I didn't expect him to like it, so it went like I expected it to.

    I'm depressed as hell and I feel like a sack of shit over it. What's a guy to do?

    vent rant and all that....
    "Friends" or "friend" in this case is just a pompous ass. Tell him to pay for you if he really wants you there, if not, tell him to drink plenty of water while he's in Mexico, just you know, so he won't get to dehydrated.

    That's one single minded friend you get there.

  14. #14
    Love buying generic GM's Nastyfoot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrMilhouse
    Eh, forget it. I called him and told him that it just wasn't something I could do no matter how bad I wanted to. He hung up on me mad. I didn't expect him to like it, so it went like I expected it to.

    I'm depressed as hell and I feel like a sack of shit over it. What's a guy to do?

    vent rant and all that....
    "Friends" or "friend" in this case is just a pompous ass. Tell him to pay for you if he really wants you there, if not, tell him to drink plenty of water while he's in Mexico, just you know, so he won't get too dehydrated.

    That's one single minded friend you got there.

  15. #15
    Story of My Life!! BIG D's SS's Avatar
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    I have never understood the whole I want you to be in my wedding so go and spend this much money on a tux and whatever else. If you want me to be in your wedding then pay for my shit and we have no problems. Especially a trip like that. That is close to a grand for his pleasure.

  16. #16
    10 year lurker DrMilhouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BIGRED Z
    Well said. I agree.




    It's not a matter of inconvenience, he didn't say he bailed because a hot blonde offered him a quick lay that weekend. He's unemployed and strapped for cash. To someone behind on bills and hurting finacially, 1000.00 is a MAJOR deal. Since you have such a cavalier attitude, why don't you loan him the grand?


    Lori
    Thanks Lori


    it isn't a matter of convenience or inconvenience. It's a matter of a house payment or not having a house payment, hell I don't even have the house payment right now. If I did, I'd probably use it to go there to be there for him anyway.

    Just for you younger guys that will get married at some point, keep bullshit like this in mind when you're deciding when/where to get money. If YOU can't afford to make your wedding happen, don't place the burden on someone else. That responsibility lies on the bride and the groom and their families. Not the wedding party. Particularly if you feel that you "NEED" to get married in a place that is not local to ANY of the party and is not even in the same country.

    Whoever said that I think that money is more important than the friendship should take a second and realize that I'm not the one who is letting things get in the way of friendship. Just letting things get in the way of a friend's wedding.

    If he were dying and couldn't come up with $1000 to save his life, I could probably find it somewhere..... I could probably put myself on the street for a life, but not for a wedding that I don't expect is a "forever" wedding anyway.

  17. #17
    My feeling is if it meant that much to him and he was a "real" friend, he would just give you the money (which he/she obviously has if they expect to have all their friends and family trek out to another country for a wedding.) so that their best friend would be their for their special moment.

    If I were the groom and my friend was a similar situation, I would give them the money. If money was really that tight for me, I wouldn't put my friends in a position like that to begin with. At the very least, I'd loan them the cash with the expectation that they pay back some or all of it at a later date.

    People these days (or at least us Americans) seem to have no clue as to how to manage money anymore.

  18. #18
    Member whoa guy's Avatar
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    just from the kind of person i am, id find a way to come up with the $$.. then again, if i were in your shoes, im sure my friend being "the best man" would want me to be there for him, he'd help out with some of the costs. either way, im a resourceful person, i'd make it happen.
    Last edited by whoa guy; 02-15-2006 at 06:21 PM.

  19. #19
    Member whoa guy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by my5thNewUsernameHere
    People these days (or at least us Americans) seem to have no clue as to how to manage money anymore.
    very well said.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by whoa guy
    very well said.
    Honestly, it just pisses me off that it seems we (as a society) focus more on the moment than we do the big picture.

    If I wanted to, I could pay cash for the C6 Convertible that I want, but for some weird reason I'm more satisfied saving for my retirement and my kid's education than I am with trying to impress the neighbors.

    I have far more respect for the guy that drives a used minivan to meet the needs of his family than I do for the guy that drives an overpriced european performance machine just to get undeserved attention.

    Edit: Getting back to the point of this thread: I feel it sucks that the groom is clearly placing unreasonable financial demands on the part of his family/wedding party.
    Last edited by my5thNewUsernameHere; 02-15-2006 at 07:06 PM.

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