Advice Needed! Long read!

**korndawg** · 12-07-2010, 09:18 AM

I know what the responses will be but I figured I'd ask anyways.

I met a girl back in late Sept and immediately we seemed to hit it off. We both have a lot in common and always have a great time together. We've only gone out on one official 'date' but have hung out alone many many times. I see her every day, as she's turned into my workout partner. Well, from the get go, I let her know that I wasn't interested in only being 'just friends' and she was okay with that. She's been fucked over in the past, such as I have, and we both agreed to get to know each other before jumping into anything. Well, stupid me, let my guard down and have REALLY started to like her. We've never done anything physical, so basically we at at the feeling out process (so I thought). 2 weeks ago, she was over at my place, and I blatantly asked if I've received the 'friend card' yet and she said 'no' she liked hanging with me and she said to not worry, cuz she would never play me. Well I was happy with that answer and I invited her to my company's xmas party. She agreed. She seemed excited and even bought a new dress for it.

Well, that was two weeks ago. Last Friday, her and I went shopping. While in her truck, she got a text message on her phone. I picked it up and noticed a text from a guy friend of hers (who i was a little weary of from b4) that stated "drive careful! You mean too much to me" Well shit. My heart just fucking dropped! I pretty much know the truth now. All this past weekend, I rarely heard from her and now just yesterday, she bailed out on my xmas party saying it would feel 'too awkward' But she said, 'don't worry, it's all good'

Well now what do I do? Do I own up and tell her I saw the text? Is it that obvious that I'm getting played? To make things worse, she's my f'n neighbor and she's the coordinator where i work out. So needless to say, I don't wanna go to the gym anymore. I'm pretty torn apart about this. I told myself I'd never allow myself to get fucked over again, but I think its happened. So, whats my next step?

**Schmalgar** · 12-07-2010, 09:23 AM

No. I repeat NO. Do NOT tell her you saw the text. No good will come from that. Even if you picked it up innocently or reflexively because it was sitting next to you. She will most likely turn that into a 'privacy' argument which you will lose.

You can try to press her on it if you want her to just admit that she's into someone else. But it really depends on how often you've had this conversation. If you tell her every other day you wish you were more than just friends, then odds are she's tired of hearing it. If you've just been having fun with her and haven't brought your feelings up too much then it should be 'safe' to try talking to her about them again.

But frankly I wouldn't even try to 'compete' for her affections. No good usually comes from that either. If you try too hard, it will likely drive her to the other guy whom she will see as 'less pushy' or whatever. If you try to little it may push her to the other guy who 'appreciates her more'. More than likely, she's already decided in her mind anyway, as much as that sucks for you. It may be hard to do given how you feel for her, but I would just tone down on your activities with her, less workouts, less hanging out, whatever. The change and lack of seeing you may make her realize that she does, in fact, want you. It may be that seeing you so often now has 'numbed' her to you, and she may be looking at you as just a friend and hangout buddy now, despite what was said before. And once a gal starts thinking of you as just a friend, it is damn hard to change that.

But it may also be that the other guy is in the same situation as you are, and that she's not necessarily involved with him either, he just wishes she were... Tough call on how to find out without causing a fight or rift. But I know this much: NO, do NOT tell her you looked at her texts. Bad move. Very bad.

.

**korndawg** · 12-07-2010, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by Schmalgar

No. I repeat NO. Do NOT tell her you saw the text. No good will come from that. Even if you picked it up innocently or reflexively because it was sitting next to you. She will most likely turn that into a 'privacy' argument which you will lose.

You can try to press her on it if you want her to just admit that she's into someone else. But it really depends on how often you've had this conversation. If you tell her every other day you wish you were more than just friends, then odds are she's tired of hearing it. If you've just been having fun with her and haven't brought your feelings up too much then it should be 'safe' to try talking to her about them again.

I've actually never have talked about my feelings for her, other than the fact that I enjoy getting to know her and am having a blast hanging with her. It's prolly too late now tho. If i did get played and if she's seeing him, then I basically can never see her again. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and right now, I'm crushed.

**clg82** · 12-07-2010, 09:31 AM

Run and run fast.....unless the text was from her father....than don't worry about it...

**Schmalgar** · 12-07-2010, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by korndawg

I've actually never have talked about my feelings for her, other than the fact that I enjoy getting to know her and am having a blast hanging with her. It's prolly too late now tho. If i did get played and if she's seeing him, then I basically can never see her again. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and right now, I'm crushed.

Ah gotcha. Then yeah, tell her. It's all you can do. Take a chance. It's better to know for sure than to wonder, that's for certain.

**SiggyZ** · 12-07-2010, 09:32 AM

Just be there for her but, I agree, don't tell her you saw the text. That'll just make you look like a jealous wack. Also, keep in mind that many women love attention. And just because some guy sent her a text saying that, doesn't necessarily mean she's seeing him and has chosen him over you.

**korndawg** · 12-07-2010, 09:32 AM

So when she's texting me and asking what's wrong, like she did last night. What do I tel her? Fuck off? lol

**korndawg** · 12-07-2010, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by Schmalgar

Ah gotcha. Then yeah, tell her. It's all you can do. Take a chance. It's better to know for sure than to wonder, that's for certain.

True. I'd rather fail than not know. That's my motto.

**SiggyZ** · 12-07-2010, 09:33 AM

If she's texting you showing concern, go with it. She's not finished with you at all.

Originally Posted by korndawg

So when she's texting me and asking what's wrong, like she did last night. What do I tel her? Fuck off? lol

**korndawg** · 12-07-2010, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by SiggyZ

Just be there for her but, I agree, don't tell her you saw the text. That'll just make you look like a jealous wack. Also, keep in mind that many women love attention. And just because some guy sent her a text saying that, doesn't necessarily mean she's seeing him and has chosen him over you.

Oh, i failed to mention, that day she got the text......ya, she went and 'hung out' with him that night. FML

**clg82** · 12-07-2010, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by korndawg

So when she's texting me and asking what's wrong, like she did last night. What do I tel her? Fuck off? lol

In all seriousness all you can do is worry about your feelings in this situation. If she's been playing you for this long then you look like the idiot. All you can do is ask her who the text was from, express your feelings for her and if she's not willing to tell you the whole truth she's not worth it.

**SiggyZ** · 12-07-2010, 09:35 AM

How do you know she did? Did you follow her? You're not in a committed relationship with this girl. Let her come to you at this point.

Originally Posted by korndawg

Oh, i failed to mention, that day she got the text......ya, she went and 'hung out' with him that night. FML

**korndawg** · 12-07-2010, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by SiggyZ

How do you know she did? Did you follow her? You're not in a committed relationship with this girl. Let her come to you at this point.

Oh, she told me she was going to hang out with her Forest City friends (he is one of em). No, i'm not a creeper, lol.

**SiggyZ** · 12-07-2010, 10:24 AM

Just go with it bud. The fact that she shows concern texting and asking what's wrong, means something.

Originally Posted by korndawg

Oh, she told me she was going to hang out with her Forest City friends (he is one of em). No, i'm not a creeper, lol.

**clovenhooves** · 12-07-2010, 11:05 AM

Yeah, it's a good sign, but women who text I don't trust.

**tnthub** · 12-07-2010, 11:06 AM

Forget the text. Forget the other dude. Hang out with her, have some lunch or coffee, or whatever you do in a non-threatening situation and at some point lean in and inform her that upon thorough and compete review you require a kiss and an official "date" because after getting to know her she is worth the chance.

Whether or not she is actually worth the chance or not is not important. What is important is that you let her know how you feel in a positive and forward manner and then you need to do the most difficult part which is letting her figure out what she wants and how to deal with the other guy. You need to trust her to figure that out without you becoming jealous or clingy or insecure. She may need some "time" and regardless of how it turns out you will have played your cards up front and if it turns out great you will have a winner and if not at least you played the game.

**SiggyZ** · 12-07-2010, 11:07 AM

Nearly everyone texts. Hell, my mom texts.

Originally Posted by clovenhooves

Yeah, it's a good sign, but women who text I don't trust.

**Schmalgar** · 12-07-2010, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by tnthub

Forget the text. Forget the other dude. Hang out with her, have some lunch or coffee, or whatever you do in a non-threatening situation and at some point lean in and inform her that upon thorough and compete review you require a kiss and an official "date" because after getting to know her she is worth the chance.

Whether or not she is actually worth the chance or not is not important. What is important is that you let her know how you feel in a positive and forward manner and then you need to do the most difficult part which is letting her figure out what she wants and how to deal with the other guy. You need to trust her to figure that out without you becoming jealous or clingy or insecure. She may need some "time" and regardless of how it turns out you will have played your cards up front and if it turns out great you will have a winner and if not at least you played the game.

Yep I like this.

**korndawg** · 12-07-2010, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by tnthub

Forget the text. Forget the other dude. Hang out with her, have some lunch or coffee, or whatever you do in a non-threatening situation and at some point lean in and inform her that upon thorough and compete review you require a kiss and an official "date" because after getting to know her she is worth the chance.

Whether or not she is actually worth the chance or not is not important. What is important is that you let her know how you feel in a positive and forward manner and then you need to do the most difficult part which is letting her figure out what she wants and how to deal with the other guy. You need to trust her to figure that out without you becoming jealous or clingy or insecure. She may need some "time" and regardless of how it turns out you will have played your cards up front and if it turns out great you will have a winner and if not at least you played the game.

Makes sense. Thanks. Now I just gotta get myself to do it, lol.

**Murder after Midnight** · 12-07-2010, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by tnthub

Forget the text. Forget the other dude. Hang out with her, have some lunch or coffee, or whatever you do in a non-threatening situation and at some point lean in and inform her that upon thorough and compete review you require a kiss and an official "date" because after getting to know her she is worth the chance.

Whether or not she is actually worth the chance or not is not important. What is important is that you let her know how you feel in a positive and forward manner and then you need to do the most difficult part which is letting her figure out what she wants and how to deal with the other guy. You need to trust her to figure that out without you becoming jealous or clingy or insecure. She may need some "time" and regardless of how it turns out you will have played your cards up front and if it turns out great you will have a winner and if not at least you played the game.

Well said