25 Top Clarkson Quotes

**SScott** · 08-15-2010, 10:12 PM

Jeremy Clarkson certainly has a way with words. One of my personal favorites was in reference to the new Caparo T1. “When this thing goes on sale, there isn’t going to be a ditch in the land or a hedge row that isn’t full of Premiereship footballers who are broken and on fire.” Enjoy.

1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”

2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”

3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”

4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”

5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”

7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”

8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”

9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”

11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”

13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

14. “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”

15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”

16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t
you?”

18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”

19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”

20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”

23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”

25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

http://www.ridelust.com/25-awesome-j...arkson-quotes/

**blue02Z** · 08-16-2010, 05:41 AM

At #10!!!

**wheeliE-maxx** · 08-16-2010, 07:24 AM

Him talking about how "Coh-vettes" are assembled by two fat blokes from Kentucky is always funny

**02transamce** · 08-16-2010, 08:04 AM

I love Top Gear,Clarkson really makes that show,which is why a U.S. version will fail,bad.
Posted via Mobile Device

**raynor139** · 08-16-2010, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by 02transamce

I love Top Gear,Clarkson really makes that show,which is why a U.S. version will fail,bad.
Posted via Mobile Device

Yeah the dynamics between those guys makes the show. Gonna be real hard for the US version to duplicate that.

**wheeliE-maxx** · 08-16-2010, 09:36 AM

From the preview they suck

**hamburger68** · 08-16-2010, 11:09 AM

just like the german ripoffs, they just can't get it right. the three presenters are the magic of it, but it's also so damn well filmed and produced.

**Zinergy** · 08-16-2010, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by hamburger68

just like the german ripoffs, they just can't get it right. the three presenters are the magic of it, but it's also so damn well filmed and produced.

Agreed, the American version will suck because you need those three Brits to get it right. Top gear is about the only thing i use my netflix for, i just finished season 10, 11 and 12. I have been watching atleast 1 episode per night lately.

**86 IROC-Z** · 08-16-2010, 11:46 AM

Yeah it'll just be like the reverse of when they tried making a British version of the Office. It just isn't the same with out Steve Carell. They should have just left it at the US version imo.

**Zinergy** · 08-16-2010, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by 86 IROC-Z

Yeah it'll just be like the reverse of when they tried making a British version of the Office. It just isn't the same with out Steve Carell. They should have just left it at the US version imo.

Lol the British version was first and the version that made the show famous, the American version is the copy cat.

**86 IROC-Z** · 08-16-2010, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by Zinergy

Lol the British version was first, the American version is the copy cat.

No man the US version was first I started watching that shit in high school.

**hamburger68** · 08-16-2010, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by 86 IROC-Z

No man the US version was first I started watching that shit in high school.

Initially broadcast on BBC Two on 9 July 2001

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_office

**86 IROC-Z** · 08-16-2010, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by hamburger68

Initially broadcast on BBC Two on 9 July 2001

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_office

My high school teachers told me wikipedia isn't a credible source so I don't believe you.

America #1 World

**hamburger68** · 08-16-2010, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by 86 IROC-Z

My high school teachers told me wikipedia isn't a credible source so I don't believe you.

America #1 World

at both. anyway,

from http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/about/:

From Deedle-Dee Productions, Reveille and Universal Media Studios comes the hilarious documentary-style look into the humorous and sometimes poignant foolishness that plagues the world of 9-to-5 in the half-hour comedy "The Office," based on the award-winning BBC hit.

in...your...face!