Went to alabama....details inside

**CaptainCaveMan** · 12-17-2007, 09:01 AM

This happened last monday. I posted it on my myspace blog that day but somehow forgot to put it on here.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Fun in Alabama or How i learned to Yee-Haw
Current mood: relieved

Went to Alabama today. More specifically i went to the Army base in Huntsville to do a little Christmas shopping. The base is connected to the NASA space center complex. Yes, Alabama has something to do with NASA. I think their mission there is to install the gun-racks and rebel flag stickers on the space shuttles.

Anyway, we are driving down Interstate 65, and i realized that i had made a mistake in wearing a jacket while driving as it was getting a little warmer outside. I also wanted some form of caffeine so i thought to myself this would be a good time to take the next exit so i could take my coat off and grab a nice cold bottle of Mountain Dew.

Ah yes, i see the exit now and i pull off.

As I'm waiting at a red light right before the gas station i notice a big green direction sign on the street right before the gas station. In big white letters on this green sign it said:

"Mental Health Center"

I just shit my pants.

I have seen signs that bring a sense of worry and fear when I've read them. None of them however hold a candle to this. I'm in the state of Ala-fuckin'-bama, and this is where they send the people that THEY deem as mentally destitute.

With hands trembling in fear of being attacked by a fat man wearing Thomas the Train pajamas or a Hillary Clinton 08 rally i make it to the gas station to take care of my present needs.

In record time I'm back on the road trying to get away as fast as i can.

Later in the day, after we had done our shopping, we were heading home. It's lunch time and i start looking for places to eat. I see an exit coming up with multiple fast food establishments on it. I see one of those places is Hardees. It's been awhile since i went to hardees so i figured "What the hell" and we pull up to the drive-thru and i ordered a bacon cheeseburger plain. He (the country sounding fellow over the speaker) asks me to clarify. I told him a bacon cheeseburger with just bacon, cheese, hamburger patty, and bun. He confirms my order back to me and i believe all is well.

We get our food and i pop open the little cardboard container my burger was in, and to my horror it is drenched in mayo and lettuce.

This will not do.

I calmly walk inside and as I'm waiting there, burger in hand wanting for service, i began to look at the people that work there. Jim-Bob-Bubba-Blue that took my order is currently taking the order of a customer at the cash register. Let me tell you, God pissed on this guy. He was a ginger, with big buck teeth, a mouth that didn't close (permanent look of durrrr on his face) and a heavy country accent.

I look over at a cook in the back, he looked normal. If i had to guess i say my order got fucked up by the mouth-breather that took my order and not the cook.

The manager sees me and starts walking my way. I see him and i immediately check to see which exit door i was now close to and what i could use as a weapon........

It was General Lee himself! I had walked into a trap!!!

Remember those cartoons we watched growing up where bugs bunny would be in the south or whatever and it had the "southern gentleman" character with the really white hair and white suit? That was him!

When he asked me what he could help me with i had to bite my tongue pretty much half way off to keep myself my shouting "I do DECLARE! It appears that some no-good Yankee conspira-TORS have sabotaged my dinin' experience!"

The conversation went like this.......

Me: This wasn't supposed to have anything on it.
Him: Say what?
Me: This was supposed to be plain
Him: What is supposed to be plain?
Me: (Shaking my burger in front of his face) This!

Fun times.

**SexOnWheels** · 12-17-2007, 09:12 AM

Fun Times indeed!

**Blitzed** · 12-17-2007, 09:35 AM

Redstone and the surrounding area is great...? LOL If you think this state is bad, Try Tennesee. I swear I saw a guy in overalls<spelling? with a banjo

**86 IROC-Z** · 12-17-2007, 09:41 AM

Good choice on the Mountain Dew.

And yes... Anywhere that could be considered "slightly" rural is like dat roun dese parts. The nicer and more built up areas are quite nice however.

**snaggeltooth** · 12-17-2007, 10:16 AM

WOW they had a Hardees with a drive through.. You mean with indoor plumbing and all??

**CaptainCaveMan** · 12-17-2007, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by snaggeltooth

WOW they had a Hardees with a drive through.. You mean with indoor plumbing and all??

Yeah, but it did have a washing machine on it's front porch.

**snaggeltooth** · 12-17-2007, 10:20 AM

WOW .... they had gravel too..... Must been a real nice town ...

**86 IROC-Z** · 12-17-2007, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by CaptainCaveMan

Yeah, but it did have a washing machine on it's front porch.

**B34M3R** · 12-17-2007, 10:46 AM

Wow... sometimes I'm so happy that I don't really live in the south

**snaggeltooth** · 12-17-2007, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by CaptainCaveMan

Yeah, but it did have a washing machine on it's front porch.

Hardees dont have a porch... Maybe you went by Har Dees place ..... He fixes a mean hamberger ...

**ls1blackbeauty98** · 12-17-2007, 11:26 AM

that was halarious

**FreakV6** · 12-17-2007, 12:38 PM

Man you have no idea how much i hate sterotypes like this. I have learned to deal with some of the jokes, but others are just plain stupid. i would just about bet i could come up to where ever the hell u live and find dumbass's just as u have described. Or better yet how about a stuck up yankee that dont have a bit of respect for anyone but themselves, aye?. I can take jokes just as good as anyone, but when it comes to people being plain ignorant it gets under my skin.

Im extremely proud to be from the south. Everything is so much more laid back here as compared not the North. Complete strangers will walk by each other, thow a hand up and speak. Try this up north and see what happens. Not trying to jump all over you CaptainCaveMan, just about tired of hearing these jokes.

**ztrouble** · 12-17-2007, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by lilchubby

Man you have no idea how much i hate sterotypes like this. I have learned to deal with some of the jokes, but others are just plain stupid. i would just about bet i could come up to where ever the hell u live and find dumbass's just as u have described. Or better yet how about a stuck up yankee that dont have a bit of respect for anyone but themselves, aye?. I can take jokes just as good as anyone, but when it comes to people being plain ignorant it gets under my skin.

Im extremely proud to be from the south. Everything is so much more laid back here as compared not the North. Complete strangers will walk by each other, thow a hand up and speak. Try this up north and see what happens. Not trying to jump all over you CaptainCaveMan, just about tired of hearing these jokes.

calm down man... shit. i am about as southern as you can get and i dont let it bother me. There are rednecks and idiots all over the country not just the south.

**Bobby97SS** · 12-17-2007, 01:27 PM

Funny thing about the south. All the losers from up north move down hear but you never hear of anybody from the south moving up north. And they act like we are the stupid ones. Has anybody heard of the phrase "Northern Pride"? Didnt think so.

**jperkins812** · 12-17-2007, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by Blitzed

Redstone and the surrounding area is great...? LOL If you think this state is bad, Try Tennesee. I swear I saw a guy in overalls<spelling? with a banjo

If you want the banjo playing rednecks then you need to go to east Tennessee, that is where they live. Around where I live is filled with the gun carrying rednecks that just want to shoot everything that moves.

**FreakV6** · 12-17-2007, 01:51 PM

I am calm, no worries. just making sure he knows that happens everwhere. its not only found in the south. 100% proud to be southern here.

**hamburger68** · 12-17-2007, 02:10 PM

ladies and gentlemen, i give you: TOP GEAR!

...no hard feelings, i love the south!

**dlmeadows** · 12-17-2007, 02:13 PM

Im a guitar playing redneck from TN but I don't own any overalls lol. also never said the phrase "you sure do gotta purdy mouth."

**ztrouble** · 12-17-2007, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by dlmeadows

Im a guitar playing redneck from TN but I don't own any overalls lol. also never said the phrase "you sure do gotta purdy mouth."

i do own overalls.. and i only say that to female cousins that are 3rd cousins or farther

**bruiser55** · 12-17-2007, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by Blitzed

Redstone and the surrounding area is great...? LOL If you think this state is bad, Try Tennesee. I swear I saw a guy in overalls<spelling? with a banjo

Tennessee ain't that bad. I mean, the only thing us Tennessee people do is go everywhere with guns. And why you gotta hate on overalls? Those are very comfortable. Also...I have liven in Tennessee all my life and the only place I've ever seen a banjo was at the Guitar Center.

And I agree with Jperkins...the banjo players are in the mountains....but you don't wanna go there