Texas Jokes

[Bobby97SS]

Texas Drinking




A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."


An Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In my part of the world we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."


The Texas cowboy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the Mexican and the Arab, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."










Texas Baby

A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy. "

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!"

We heard one woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had'm circumcised."

[eddierox]

*President Bush is at his ranch in Crawford,Texas ... and here's the good news ... he says he will only stay until Crawford is capable of self rule.*

-David Letterman

[Bobby97SS]

No need to worry about Crawford. The Nuge has Crawford under control.

[CaptainCaveMan]

[Carlos01SS]

A Texan storms into a bar knocks a few people out of the way and says "Bartender, gimme a gallon of beer, I'm so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a bulls balls"

Some little guy walks over taps him on the shoulder and says "moo moo big fella!!!"

[SexOnWheels]

[Too Fast]

Texas...................half the size of Alaska.

[DanWS6]

rotfl