So I am at my buddys house

**Sarge** · 02-20-2009, 05:19 PM

....sorta a ritzy thing going on. Bunch of folks I do know and a bunch I dont.....gotta pee.....so I go to the hall bathroom ( Powder Room)...and there is somebody in it...so I wait back in the bar...pretty soon and lady comes out....she is about 100lbs built like a brick shithouse and is with my buddy who started LockTite...yes that LockTite...he bought the patent from a guy and built the company.....anyway....I gotta pee ...so I go in the bathroom....unzip and open the shitter lid and staring back at me is one humongous turd. I mean that turd was the size of a small baby....I never even seen a turd that big.....I dont know how anybody could possibly push that fucking thing out thier ass. Then it dawned on me...that turd just came out of Ms. Bubbles. Holy Shit! That turd probably weighed as much as one of her legs. How in the hell can a giant turd of Guinness World Record size ever come out of that lil girl? Holy Shit is an understatement. She must take a dump once a fucking year.
Then as I started peeing all over aforementioned Turd Giganticus a horrible thought occurred to me. My face froze. Sweat busted out all over my forehead. My heart started racing. I had just taken ownership of the giant turd in the bowl. I was in the bathroom! Everybody would see me walk out and know I just laid a Monster Turd. Oh fuck me.....all my friends...their wives....trophy girlfriends and Sarge just laid a Monster Turd in the toilet everybody was using all night. WTF do I do? Nobody would believe me if I said it was there when I got there. Do I come out and holler "Who gave birth?" No....I need to find something to bust up the Giant Turd. Make it a bunch of lil turds so it will flush down. Nothing....I keep looking for a coat hanger anything to bust this fucking thing up. I think it has grown by the way....well hell....I'm going to have to grab that Giant Turd and break it up with my bare hands....no other choice...time is running out.....been in there 2-3 minutes already......how bad can it be anyway? I mean I'll wash my hands really good.....Beats being known as the guy that gave birth to the Giant Turd at the party the rest of my life....No hell no....I aint going to grab the Giant Turd bare handed...plus there was piss all over it....nope could never eat chicken wings again as the memory of squishing that Giant Turd between my fingers would be burnt into my memory forever and ever....somebody knocks on the door...oh fuck....
What do you think I did?

**Anthracis** · 02-20-2009, 05:27 PM

Tell them to fuck off? THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HEARD ALL YEAR!

should have taken a pic of that turd

**Nhra Firebird** · 02-20-2009, 05:27 PM

I would have cut that turd in half with my piss, but being a old fart you prolly only have a little trickle coming out.

**Nhra Firebird** · 02-20-2009, 05:31 PM

looks like her turd put a LockTite on the shitter

**Sarge** · 02-20-2009, 05:32 PM

I did what any true mullet head would do. I instantly grabbed the lil porcelain statue girl thing holding the toilet paper....stabbed the giant turd.....swung that mammoth thing up and in one swoop had it in the hand towel....wrapped that big bitch up....threw it in the linen drawer....turned on the sink water....rinsed off the lil toilet paper holding statue lady....flushed the toilet...washed my hands and walked the fuck out.

**cammed goat** · 02-20-2009, 05:33 PM

Said "NOT MINE...ask Mrs Bubbles over yonder". Problem solved.

**Sarge** · 02-20-2009, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

I would have cut that turd in half with my piss, but being a old fart you prolly only have a little trickle coming out.

Shit....you would need a plasma cutter to bust that thing up.

**Nhra Firebird** · 02-20-2009, 05:36 PM

should have gave them a upper decker

**Krazydan** · 02-20-2009, 05:36 PM

LOL what the hell........!!!!!

**Nhra Firebird** · 02-20-2009, 05:40 PM

did it have any corn it in?

**TempleU_WS6** · 02-20-2009, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by Sarge

I did what any true mullet head would do. I instantly grabbed the lil porcelain statue girl thing holding the toilet paper....stabbed the giant turd.....swung that mammoth thing up and in one swoop had it in the hand towel....wrapped that big bitch up....threw it in the linen drawer....turned on the sink water....rinsed off the lil toilet paper holding statue lady....flushed the toilet...washed my hands and walked the fuck out.

This is an amazing story. Not surprising coming from you Sarge but still

Originally Posted by Nhra Firebird

should have gave them a upper decker

Yeah, this would of been good. Then it could of been anyone who done it.

**astyles** · 02-20-2009, 05:42 PM

mrs bubbles must take it in the pooer a bit.....

**Anthracis** · 02-20-2009, 05:48 PM

Originally Posted by Sarge

I did what any true mullet head would do. I instantly grabbed the lil porcelain statue girl thing holding the toilet paper....stabbed the giant turd.....swung that mammoth thing up and in one swoop had it in the hand towel....wrapped that big bitch up....threw it in the linen drawer....turned on the sink water....rinsed off the lil toilet paper holding statue lady....flushed the toilet...washed my hands and walked the fuck out.

Can you imagine the look on the person's face when they go to get some god damned linen?

Toilet statue girl thing = $23.49
Paper Towels = $2.99
Turdus Giganticus = Free
Horrified look on homeowners face the next day= priceless

**twozs** · 02-20-2009, 06:25 PM

maybe locktite boy opens up her tree knot wth his giant trouser snake making it possible to take a monster turd without a grunt

**FORD RECOVERY EXPERT** · 02-20-2009, 06:42 PM

Somebody has popped her ballon knot...

Epic solution, BTW, Sarge....

**ls1camino** · 02-20-2009, 09:49 PM

wow...just wow.

btw Srage, you know a lot of people that some of us would love to meet

**JoshieDoom** · 02-20-2009, 09:56 PM

You my friend are epic

**fccs** · 02-20-2009, 10:04 PM

This brings back memories of that south park episode about shitting... LOL

**0rion** · 02-20-2009, 10:24 PM

**note to self** never let sarge use my bathroom.

**bandit95** · 02-20-2009, 10:29 PM

lmao! it's stories like this that gave me withdrawals the whole time i wasnt able to get to the internet to see my beloved ls1. thank you Sarge and thank you ls1.com for everything!