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  1. #1
    Old Enough to Know Better Crimson Sin's Avatar
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    Red Fire
    2007 Mustang GT/CS

    Read this in my wife's email.. Freaking hilarious

    I know its about a chick thing, but I found it funny as hell.
    I don't know if it's real, but it's supposed to be some chick attempting this..If you mentally picture what's going on... Should make ya at least smile..
    Made happy I don't have to to this crap... I won't ever bitch about shaving again.
    (Long Read) If you have the attention span of a 18 year old on Red Bull. Don't bother attempting..

    WAX is Not your Friend

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
    easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
    now...
    the wax.

    My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
    play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
    in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
    out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the
    bathroom.

    It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
    you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
    peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you
    pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I
    mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this
    out. (YA THINK!?!)
    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
    other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
    kicksin so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold
    wax," yeah...right!)

    I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
    pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
    bad.
    I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
    fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

    With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
    sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
    championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
    Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my
    bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching
    down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I
    inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
    returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
    strip.
    CRAP!!!

    Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I
    think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing
    drums???
    Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

    I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
    caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to
    revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the
    strip!
    There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
    the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
    touching wax.

    CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
    which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the
    next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I
    know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!! I
    hear the slamming of a cell door. "hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!

    Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to
    figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get
    the urge to poop.

    My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!!
    Hot water melts wax!!!

    I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
    immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently
    wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
    torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
    together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom
    of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold
    wax.

    So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
    cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

    God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
    phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
    secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter
    -

    "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

    There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
    removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
    know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
    who-ha?"

    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
    rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
    YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

    While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax
    off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie
    goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water
    and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

    By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
    I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
    for this event.

    My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
    grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
    really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

    The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
    friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
    works!!"

    I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
    successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
    grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
    IT!!!!!!!!!!

    So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
    I could have amputated my own leg at this point.


    Next week I'm going to try hair color......
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Do Not Anger the Horsepower Gods ! MOD !!

    2007 Mustang GT/CS
    2001 SS Cammed. Stalled. Geared. Tuned...Gone but not forgotten..
    Quote Originally Posted by bluefields88 View Post
    pornhub.com has a tribute thing for MJ at the top of page. I can't even jerk off without being bombarded by the bastard.


  2. #2
    Senior Member ztrouble's Avatar
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    blue
    83 mustang 347

    oh.... my .... god

  3. #3
    11 years of bangin gears cammed goat's Avatar
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    North Jersey
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    Phantom Black Metallic
    2004 GTO M6

    Kaaaaayyyyy?

  4. #4
    2004 HEAD/CAM CTS-V 9t8z28's Avatar
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    SILVER
    2004 CTS-V

    I am not reading that. Give us the short version

  5. #5
    She Moderator KahanaReef's Avatar
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    Arctic White
    2000 Camaro Z28

    I haven't read this one in a long time

    And, yeah... don't ever bitch about having to shave again!!!

  6. #6
    Grand Imperial Wizard Sarge's Avatar
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    Retired Outlaw Sum Bitch

    My wife has been laughing for ten minutes.....

  7. #7
    Senior Member transamprincess98's Avatar
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    CT6


  8. #8
    Senior Member FasstChevys's Avatar
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    Minnesota
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    White
    '10 ZR1

    Quote Originally Posted by 9t8z28 View Post
    I am not reading that. Give us the short version
    she glued her pu$$y shut and had hell trying to get things back in order

  9. #9
    Senior Member FasstChevys's Avatar
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    White
    '10 ZR1

    Quote Originally Posted by KahanaReef View Post
    I haven't read this one in a long time

    And, yeah... don't ever bitch about having to shave again!!!

    Yea! Don't bitch about it.......just have your significant other do it for you


    Ohhhh, hi!

  10. #10
    Old Enough to Know Better Crimson Sin's Avatar
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    Red Fire
    2007 Mustang GT/CS

    Quote Originally Posted by FasstChevys View Post
    Yea! Don't bitch about it.......just have your significant other do it for you


    Ohhhh, hi!
    Hell with that. I will never let another woman shave my face or any part of me ever again

  11. #11
    She Moderator KahanaReef's Avatar
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    Arctic White
    2000 Camaro Z28

    Quote Originally Posted by FasstChevys View Post
    Yea! Don't bitch about it.......just have your significant other do it for you


    Ohhhh, hi!

    I'll shave ya, Jacque.

    Anytime


  12. #12
    Member c5z28's Avatar
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    On your ass flashing
    my highbeams

    god bless you woman who shave.

  13. #13
    Impwnded Smkn_TA's Avatar
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    Davenport, Iowa
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    Bright Red
    1999 Trans Am Ws6

    I bet I could have wedged those cheeks and who-ha wide open, and put a little lotion on it as well!

  14. #14
    I see Yello and I like it 02cetransam's Avatar
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    Ontario, Canada
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    yellow
    02 Collector Trans Am

    ouch!!

  15. #15
    Sold: LS1 '85 El Camino ls1camino's Avatar
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    2000 Grand Prix GTP
    2000 Trans Am WS6 M6

    I cry laughing every time I read it...definitely a repost, but a hysterical repost at that.

  16. #16
    Nuclear Cat Will End All LS1Powerhouse's Avatar
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    Mystic Teal
    1999 Camaro Z28 - A4

    i love stories like that... there are deff some good ones out there

  17. #17
    Senior Member korndawg's Avatar
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    Blue
    72 Chevelle, 2001 SS

    Wow. Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

  18. #18
    Buy Domestic, Buy a Lexus The Project's Avatar
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    Red Jewel
    2010 SS

    Funny as hell.

    Is she married to the guy who used a stun gun on himself?

  19. #19
    back 'n better than ever Kjz99z28's Avatar
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    White/Black
    1999 Z28



    I love it!!!!!

    Waxing is the devil. Definitely.

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