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  1. #1
    SUPREME member-oderator oneBADDz's Avatar
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    oil change instructions

    Kinda long, got it in an email

    Oil Change

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
    last oil change.
    2: Drink a cup of coffee.
    3: 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
    vehicle.

    Money spent:
    Oil Change $20.00
    Coffee $1.00
    Total $21.00
    ================================================== ========

    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1: Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
    filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
    $50.00.
    2: Stop by 7 -11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
    3: Open a beer and drink it.
    4: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6: In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7: Place drain pan under engine.
    8: Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9: Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10: Unscrew drain plug.
    11: Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
    Cuss.
    12: Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
    kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13: Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14: Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15: Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
    and twist off.
    16: Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere
    from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid
    environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17: Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
    Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door
    opener.
    18: Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
    Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
    hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
    19: Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20: Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
    21: Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    22: Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
    surface.
    23: Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24: Remember drain plug from step 11.
    25: Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26: Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along
    with drain plug.
    27: Drink beer.
    28: Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt
    into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
    ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower
    gas.
    29: Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
    litter on oil spill.
    30: Drink beer.
    31: Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
    rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
    drain plug and bang knuckles on frame
    32: Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
    33: Begin cussing fit.
    34: Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    35: Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
    36: Beer.
    37: Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    38: Beer.
    39: Beer.
    40: Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    41: Beer.
    42: Lower car from jack stands.
    43: Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
    44: Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
    steps 23 - 43.
    45: Beer.
    46: Test drive car!
    47: Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

    48: Car gets impounded.
    49: Call loving wife, make bail.
    50: 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:

    Parts $50.00
    DUI $2500.00
    Impound fee $75.00
    Bail $1500.00
    Beer $40.00
    Total - - $4,165.00

    But you know the job was done right!

  2. #2
    Senior Member SeVeReDiStOrTiOn's Avatar
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    05 Wrangler
    00 Z28 sold :-(

    very true

  3. #3
    Veteran Hi-Po's Avatar
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    Black
    1999 TA WS.6

    that was posted a while back too. i printed it off i liked it so much.

  4. #4
    Member
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    Red
    93 Camaro V6(I know lame)

    re-re-re-repost

    sorry ever repost i see i have to say that

    but yea, still damn funny

  5. #5
    Senior Member Bigrus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by z_driver1
    Kinda long, got it in an email

    Oil Change

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 7000 miles since the
    last oil change.
    2: Drink a cup of coffee.
    3: Get told the vehicle needs new wiper blades, filter, coolant flush, tranny flush, blinker fluid because the guy "said it would be best"
    4: Go home and get bitched out for doing it there

    Money spent:
    Oil Change $126.66
    Coffee $1.00
    Total $127.66
    ================================================== ========

    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1: Buy oil and filter from autozone or have it already stocked in the garage from a buddy who worked there anmd gave you some free products.

    2: Change the oil while bitching that you are missing the game

    3: Go inside and act like the job was way harder than it was and pressure wife/girlfriend for sex.

    Money spent: 12-17$
    But you know the job was done right!

    Fixed

  6. #6
    Senior Member Chaos's Avatar
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    2002 WS6

    Quote Originally Posted by z_driver1
    Kinda long, got it in an email

    Oil Change

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 12,000 miles since the
    last oil change.
    2: Drink a cup of coffee.
    3: 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
    vehicle.

    Money spent:
    Oil Change $20.00
    Coffee $1.00
    Total $21.00
    ================================================== ========
    !

    there! I fixed it!

  7. #7
    Senior Member Bigrus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaos
    there! I fixed it!

    hahahaha!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Chaos's Avatar
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    Silver
    2002 WS6

    hahahaha....holy shit! we had the same joke

  9. #9
    SUPREME member-oderator oneBADDz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigrus
    Fixed
    HAHAHAHAHAHA

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