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  1. #1
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    1999 trans am

    Talking oil change difference between a woman and a man...

    Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee
    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.Money spent:Oil Change:$20.00
    Coffee: $1.00
    Total:$21.00

    Oil Change instructions for men :

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
    2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    21) Drink beer.
    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
    25) Begin cussing fit.
    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
    28) Beer.
    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    30) Beer.
    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    32) Beer.
    33) Lower car from jack stands..
    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
    35 ) Beer.
    36) Test drive car.
    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    38) Car gets impounded.
    39) Call loving wife, make bail.
    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.Money spent:Parts:$50.00
    DUI:$2500.00
    Impound fee:$75.00
    Bail:$1500.00
    Beer:$20..00
    Total: $4,145.00
    Not to mention the increase in car insurance!

    But you know the job was done right!

  2. #2
    Yo Da Lin The Valley..... astyles's Avatar
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  3. #3
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    1999 trans am

    Quote Originally Posted by astyles View Post

  4. #4
    Senior Member ntimid8r's Avatar
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    383 w/Meth & ProCharger
    2001 Camaro Z28

    How true, how true.

  5. #5
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    1999 trans am

    Quote Originally Posted by ntimid8r View Post
    How true, how true.
    "11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off."


    that applies to me like you wouldn't belive...

  6. #6
    Slow'er'Ass Mr. Luos's Avatar
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    Red Tint Jewelcoat
    2008 Trailblazer SS

    Takes me an hour and $70 total to change the oil in all three cars.

  7. #7
    Impwnded Smkn_TA's Avatar
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    Bright Red
    1999 Trans Am Ws6

    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

    I thought I was the only one that did that, not to mention with the vertically mounted easy to reach filter you can fill it 3/4 full with oil.

  8. #8
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smkn_TA View Post
    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

    I thought I was the only one that did that, not to mention with the vertically mounted easy to reach filter you can fill it 3/4 full with oil.
    i hope every one does that... makes the filter seal properly....

  9. #9
    Epic Fail: 12mpg 3.4 B34M3R's Avatar
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    94 Camaro 3.4

    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.


    Thats always my last resort. And by last, I mean second.

  10. #10
    Slow'er'Ass Mr. Luos's Avatar
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    Red Tint Jewelcoat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spaz View Post
    i hope every one does that... makes the filter seal properly....
    Actually done more to prevent from ripping the seal when tightening.

  11. #11
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by B34M3R View Post
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.


    Thats always my last resort. And by last, I mean second.
    actually... i puncture the bottom of the filter that way and let oil drain out of it... less of a mess when i finally take it off...

  12. #12
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Luos View Post
    Actually done more to prevent from ripping the seal when tightening.
    hence the proper seal...

  13. #13
    Slow'er'Ass Mr. Luos's Avatar
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    Red Tint Jewelcoat
    2008 Trailblazer SS

    Quote Originally Posted by Spaz View Post
    hence the proper seal...


    Both accurate.

  14. #14
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    1999 trans am

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Luos View Post


    Both accurate.
    i just didn't want a ton of people comming in debating it "i never had a problem blah blah blah" kind of thing...

  15. #15
    Mr. P dparsons1968's Avatar
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    Bright Red
    99 Z28 M6, 03 Gixxer 1000

    Quote Originally Posted by astyles View Post
    +1,

    But funny...especially for the women reading this.

  16. #16
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dparsons1968 View Post
    +1,

    But funny...especially for the women reading this.
    i'm waiting for it...

  17. #17
    Another day Another 5th ARM5280's Avatar
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    Murdered 2006 GMC Sierra

    I don't know what jiffy lube this person goes too. You can't get shit there for $20.00

  18. #18
    O U 8 1 2 Spaz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ARM5280 View Post
    I don't know what jiffy lube this person goes too. You can't get shit there for $20.00
    $20.00 plus the cost of the oil and filter silly...

  19. #19
    Just a souped up sunfire. Ryans99LS1's Avatar
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    99 Trans Am

    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.


    HAPPENS EVERY TIME NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SAY I WONT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN! hahaha great post, little exaggerated but good.

  20. #20
    2004 HEAD/CAM CTS-V 9t8z28's Avatar
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    SILVER
    2004 CTS-V

    Awesome!

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