getzen's joke of the day: updated daily!

**Getzen_Guy** · 01-02-2008, 12:09 AM

As the lawyer got out, to show off to his colleagues a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Lexus.

The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.

His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, 'My God, don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!'

'My God!' screamed the lawyer.

'Where's my Rolex?!!!'

**Getzen_Guy** · 01-02-2008, 12:14 AM

Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the Security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see Hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.' The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.

The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

**blue02Z** · 01-02-2008, 03:59 AM

at that last one

**Getzen_Guy** · 01-02-2008, 05:08 AM

ha, i used to do this on myspace but i've decided 20 is getting a little too old for the space so i figured i'd stick it on here.
the 2nd one is fkn sick tho

**third_shift|studios** · 01-02-2008, 06:07 AM

that's fucked up

**Spaz** · 01-02-2008, 06:13 AM

**Getzen_Guy** · 01-02-2008, 09:30 PM

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16
I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a
passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything
was an emergency; she was a drama queen & cried all the time. So I decided I
needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally
predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I
decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She
rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad
impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun
initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl
with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced
me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am now looking for a girl with big tits.