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Thread: farting in public...WTF?
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04-27-2007, 07:59 PM #1
farting in public...WTF?
So i went to Borders the other day to get the new ish of Guns and Ammo and this like 50 year old dude standing 3 feet away from me in the magazine aisle lets out this trumpet blast fart that rattled the pages of my magazine. I looked at him like . it's one thing to let a SBD go, but fogging the aisle is just not cool. Do you fart in public?
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04-27-2007, 08:02 PM #2
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04-27-2007, 08:03 PM #3
quietly... preferably near liberals or loud obnoxious female cell phone users.
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04-27-2007, 08:05 PM #4
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04-27-2007, 08:34 PM #5
yeah i fart in public but do it quiet and walk away to get the satisfaction either a. fogging someone out. or b. leaving a guy next to a hot chick and having her think he did it. I too have heard an older guy jus let them out loud like its nothing. i laugh when that happens lol
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04-27-2007, 08:35 PM #6
ever farted during sex ???
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04-27-2007, 08:36 PM #7
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i don't fart i queaf
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04-27-2007, 08:36 PM #8
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04-27-2007, 08:37 PM #9
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04-27-2007, 08:43 PM #10
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Here are the different kind of farts known to man:
SBD (Silent But Deadly). Totally inaudible but somehow causes all the occupants in a room to collapse. Smell is undefined because nasal investigators haven't had time to analyze the odor before passing out. (This one is also known as SBL: Silent But Lethal and Toxic Assassin.)
GNL (Gambled 'n' Lost). You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but tragically come to realize that this is much more than a fart... Next big gamble: do you put your underpants in the laundry basket and hope your wife won't notice, do you wash 'em out yourself, or do you throw 'em away?
Hydrated. The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. Try to avoid this one if you're wearing white trousers.
Not Now Please! You feel the presence of a mighty fart but are unable to release it due to your situation (first date, new customer, important business meeting, etc.). You clench your buttocks together so hard you nearly have a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends upon a number of factors, but in the end you're probably going to have to face the music (literally). Or you can try the stealth approach (see below).
Who, Me? You let it out as silently as possible and nobody hears it. You discreetly take deep sniffs and smell nothing. You think you got away with it. But 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everybody starts to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.
Waker-Upper. The first fart of the morning. All that broccoli, beans, and beer you had for dinner last night has decayed and fermented into about 1,000 ml of noxious gas just dying to escape from your rectum. Whether you let go under the covers when you first wake up or hold it until you're taking your early morning pee, releasing that first fart of the day feels oh, so good and sets the tone for the whole day.
Electrical. Sound like they have some juice in them.
Dutch Oven. A fart you make in bed -- any kind at all -- followed up by holding your partner's head under the bedclothes so that he/she can get the full effect of it. Good for moving a stalled divorce process along. Very bad early in your marriage.
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04-27-2007, 08:48 PM #11
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04-27-2007, 08:51 PM #12
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04-27-2007, 09:05 PM #13
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04-28-2007, 10:28 AM #14
hahaha...the other day i accidentally farted on my g/f's head. she put her head under the covers next to my lower back...said something about licking my back to freak me out or something...either way. i didn't know she was down there and i let one go. haha...i've never seen her move so fast.
dutch ovens are fun. for some reason my g/f doesn't really mind them.
i like the ones that you let em go...and they just sit there for a moment. and about 20...30 seconds later BAM...there it is in full force. these work best in the car on the interstate when others can't get away from them.
otherwise i try not to fart in public.
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04-28-2007, 11:53 AM #15
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i fart in public all the time.. i just don't give a shit.. i'll stand right next to a hot chick fart and call her a pig and walk away in front of people... hell... i even farted on tap already...
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04-28-2007, 03:29 PM #16
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04-28-2007, 04:19 PM #17
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I fart in public all the time. I start walking around crowed aisles when i do it for a nice crop-dusting effect.
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04-28-2007, 04:40 PM #18
ya cant beat dropping your guts as your leaving the elevator while people pile in for the trip to the 20th floor
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04-28-2007, 06:06 PM #19
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04-28-2007, 06:32 PM #20spedGuest
Last night I was in a gas station getting some coffee after work, it was about midnight and there was a cop in there that was just eyeing me up. I kept looking away but everytime I looked back he was still glaring at me. I had some horrible smells shooting from my ass all night, so I go to pay and he stands right behind me the whole time acting like he's doing something else while he watches me. And I drop a silent bomb for him that I even got a quick sniff of as I walked out the door. It was nasty. I was very proud of myself.
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