Does your spouse work? Rant

**knightryda01** · 12-21-2014, 05:50 PM

Just a bit of a rant guys.... I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through a situation like this.

Been with my girl 8+ years. Were not married but have a 2 year old child in the mix. She's a first time mom so of course she wants to spend time with the kid. We of course also have a household to maintain and bills to pay etc. She is currently working a office job part time at 26 hours a week or so. I currently work as much as humanly possible so I usually end up around 70-80 hours a week.

Now I am pushing her to go back into fulltime work, because she is not bringing in enough cash to even really cover her expenses. Now she says she wants fulltime work but I can' t say I see her making a effort to make it happen. I recently gave her a car (because hers was falling apart) and I went out and bought me something else to drive daily. I constantly find her car on Empty (so I put gas in it) and I been paying for all repairs and oil changes because she has no money to maintain it. Yet the girl will find any excuse to be out driving all dam day doing things that don't need to even be done. for example (driving around looking at xmas lights) I'm not being a prick but I know when I was broke trying to survive I was not out doing that kinda stuff. All in all It's got me a little frustrated.

I try to find jobs in her field and she has every excuse. that job is 40 or 60 mins away... My reply is well I have been driving that far every day for 15 years. then she will say I'm gonna apply to this job that's like 3 hours away..... It's a job you want me to get a job.... lol Then she says well I would have to move closer to those jobs... My reply is drive like everyone else...

Then she says she wants to work for a company that treats their workers good like google or something etc and I'm trying to tell her just about every company treats it's workers like shit. it's just one bs excuse after another.

ranting done I guess... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

**98TransAmWs-6** · 12-21-2014, 06:06 PM

My wife doesn't work but she takes care of the kids and I make the money. I would never force her to get a job unless we would starve without it. You have been with her longer than I have been married and I consider everything ours not mine or hers. It may be different with just dating someone that long but I feel like I would feel the same possibly but maybe not, it is hard to say being married and not just with the person.

Why don't you just flat out ask her why she seems very reluctant to get a full time job or even just a different job for that matter? Also can she not just work more hours with the job she has now?

**knightryda01** · 12-21-2014, 06:53 PM

I try but it just seems to end up in a argument with her getting upset saying you don't think I'm trying. But I told her I could get her a job working with me fulltime and it would put her in a better position money wise but then she would see the kid less.... but that's the real world struggle we live in. i tell her do you think I enjoy working 7 days a week 12 hours a day... I don't but I volunteer for every ounce of overtime I can get because it keeps us afloat. But i'm not trying to do this for the rest of my life. I am debt free and got money in the bank cause I worked my ass off for it. I'm coming from the viewpoint that I have to support my family no matter what. so If I lost my job I would do anything to pay the bills. she is coming from the angle that this is her skill set and she can't go outside of that. That frustrates me. I told her to try nursing, that was a no... lol She is super smart and wants something in internet security and tech but she never finished her degree so I dunno. I know if something happened to me there would be a girl pushing 40 who is living with her parents... that's not good.

**98TransAmWs-6** · 12-21-2014, 06:59 PM

Does she have a security clearance? If she doesn't anything in Internet or computer security is out the door. Trust me I have a degree in Cyber Security and lots of contacts in that sector but no security clearance or well when I was I applying I didn't now I do. Plus she'll need either a degree or years of professional experience depending on the level she wants to go in as.

What is her field exactly?

**jrbonds** · 12-21-2014, 09:14 PM

I'm a woman and you are sounding incredibly selfish.

Wow, just wow.

Dude, she's the mother of your damn kid and your girlfriend, not your freaking roommate.

Quit working so many hours and just spend time with your family. If you are out of debt like you say, then find ways to cut back and let the mother spend quality time with the child.

And quit pressuring her.

**knightryda01** · 12-22-2014, 12:11 AM

Well someone has to keep gas in these cars and have cash on hand to fix things when they break. Love don't pay the bills and put kids through college. I also have another older child as well. I want a strong independent woman not another dependant. I'd at least like to leave the woman a house she can afford to maintain in the event I kick the bucket... lol

**knightryda01** · 12-22-2014, 12:18 AM

I don't believe she has any clearances or anithing like that. She was a executive assistant without the degree but when she lost that job she has had a hard time recovering. She works now as basically a secretary. I'd like for her to back to school.

**CJREX** · 12-22-2014, 02:24 AM

Which is more important, your family or random stuff?

I also have to constantly put gas in my wife's car because she doesn't have any money, because she doesn't work.

Well, doesn't work at a job that is. What she does is more work than I could do.

My wife quit a 75k a year job 17 years ago because we decided before we had kids that they would be raised by their parents and not a daycare.

All too often nowadays people are far more concerned with getting a new car or a bigger TV than they are about raising their children.

It doesn't necessarily take dual incomes to get by, it does take sound decisions based on what you need vs what you want.

Look closely at what she will make vs what it will cost to put the child in daycare.

Is it even worth it?

Your child is 2. Do you want your child to be raised by a stranger?

And dumping the child on grandparents long term is incredibly selfish, so as much as they want to help out, please don't do it.

**0rion** · 12-22-2014, 03:43 AM

I'm not saying anything......

**knightryda01** · 12-22-2014, 05:12 AM

Well I don't want to work 70 hrs a week to get by. I'm not talking about buying bigger tvs . I talking being able to retire. Take vacations. Save money so the kids have something. Due to our schedules now we're hone at the same time. I told her just pick up a weekend gig. We have grand parents avail so daycare is not a major issue.

**Zinergy** · 12-22-2014, 05:44 AM

Originally Posted by jrbonds

I'm a woman and you are sounding incredibly selfish.

Wow, just wow.

Dude, she's the mother of your damn kid and your girlfriend, not your freaking roommate.

Quit working so many hours and just spend time with your family. If you are out of debt like you say, then find ways to cut back and let the mother spend quality time with the child.

And quit pressuring her.

Bull shit comment. He sounds selfish? What about her? She is the one being picky about jobs when it sounds like she doesn't have the qualifications to be. She should want to do all she can to better the life for the family and help the guy who has to work 70-80 hours per week so they can live a comfortable life. So that he can spend time with the child.

Life is full of preasure. You deal with it and succeed or you make excuses and stay stuck in the same place you are.

**theorangeguy** · 12-22-2014, 06:38 AM

Mine has always worked up until the past 5-6 months and it suckssssssssssssss with a capital S. She left a really really good paying job to finish her degree but she had to because she is going to school to be a teacher and you have to student teach/intern at the end of your degree in order to graduate. She just wrapped up student teaching so hopefully *fingers crossed* she'll have a job sometime at the beginning of next year and her degree is already in the mail.

Our situation is obviously a little different, but it sucks being on 1 income...we were used to having 2 incomes so our spending was probably a little higher than usual because we had 2 incomes to pay for it...now that all of the bills fall on me its pretty rough. Especially around the holidays...but like I said, it is what it is.

Unless you are ready to part ways with her over a job I think you are screwed because it sounds like she doesnt really want to work...it happens...if I had the option to not work I'd probably take it for a month or 2 and then I'd go crazy and have to find a job.

**theorangeguy** · 12-22-2014, 06:40 AM

Originally Posted by Zinergy

Bull shit comment. He sounds selfish? What about her? She is the one being picky about jobs when it sounds like she doesn't have the qualifications to be. She should want to do all she can to better the life for the family and help the guy who has to work 70-80 hours per week so they can live a comfortable life. So that he can spend time with the child.

Life is full of preasure. You deal with it and succeed or you make excuses and stay stuck in the same place you are.

yep...

**Zinergy** · 12-22-2014, 07:01 AM

Lol preasure.

**theorangeguy** · 12-22-2014, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by Zinergy

Lol preasure.

I wasnt picking on the spelling lol I was agreeing with the statement

**Zinergy** · 12-22-2014, 07:18 AM

I know, I was picking on my own spelling.

**98TransAmWs-6** · 12-22-2014, 07:18 AM

I personally would rather have my wife stay at home with the kids and take care of them than have another income and dump them in daycare or the grandparents because I want them to be with us and have us raise them not other people. I don't have to work 80 hours to keep afloat though but I would in order to have my wife able to stay home with the kids. Then again she doesn't just sit at home and do nothing she takes care of the kids and all of the household stuff. Another thing what is with all this my money and her money if I did that my wife and kids would have nothing but live off of and that is selfish as we are a family and so are you. In your situation it wouldn't matter to me if I was married or not as that is just a piece of paper. I don't know I have always survived on one income and it is quite doable but it seems if you want to do that without working your current hours you would need a better paying job. I would just sit down and have a civil conversation and ask what it is she wants to do eventually whether it is working full time or staying at home and taking care of the house and kids. Again just my .02 not trying to dig at anyone here.

Originally Posted by theorangeguy

if I had the option to not work I'd probably take it for a month or 2 and then I'd go crazy and have to find a job.

I am already going stir crazy for being off for just over 1 week lol.

**theorangeguy** · 12-22-2014, 07:22 AM

Sounds like you are just frustrated at the over all situation...let it out on here and be happy you have a family. Sure life can be a pain in the ass and bills arent going to pay themselves, but it could be way worse...would you rather have a family and less money or your income to yourself and no family?

I grew up in a single parent home so I view things a little differently and every once in a while if I get aggravated about something I think about how things were when I was a kid and it usually puts everything back into perspective.

**Zinergy** · 12-22-2014, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by 98TransAmWs-6

I personally would rather have my wife stay at home with the kids and take care of them than have another income and dump them in daycare or the grandparents because I want them to be with us and have us raise them not other people. I don't have to work 80 hours to keep afloat though but I would in order to have my wife able to stay home with the kids. Then again she doesn't just sit at home and do nothing she takes care of the kids and all of the household stuff. Another thing what is with all this my money and her money if I did that my wife and kids would have nothing but live off of and that is selfish as we are a family and so are you. In your situation it wouldn't matter to me if I was married or not as that is just a piece of paper. I don't know I have always survived on one income and it is quite doable but it seems if you want to do that without working your current hours you would need a better paying job. I would just sit down and have a civil conversation and ask what it is she wants to do eventually whether it is working full time or staying at home and taking care of the house and kids. Again just my .02 not trying to dig at anyone here.

I am already going stir crazy for being off for just over 1 week lol.

When you have to work 80 hours a week and the other doesn't it still isn't US raising them. It is HER raising them.

I hope you homeschool your kids as well because you don't want anybody else raising them right? They spend the same amount of time with teachers and their friends at school as they would with the daycare workers and their friends at the daycare.

**98TransAmWs-6** · 12-22-2014, 07:58 AM

You are really just splitting hairs at this point because you have no other point in your argument that has any validity. I still am home with them some and to help in the raising of them. If both parents are not home and work full time essentially it is someone else for raising them not either of us. If you were not going to really be home to spend time with your children then you shouldn't have kids. Teachers don't do much raising if you ask me in regards to life lessons and other important things, only book learning and perhaps social skills. They don't parents or teach kids how to become decent human beings. So like I said they don't really raise your child, just because they are with them for hours a day doesn't mean they are raising them. I learned most of who I am today from my parents and seeing their example and taking it to heart much more heavily than my teachers. If I did the reverse I would probably be I a worse place than today.

This is not what this thread is about though so let's get back on topic.