11 year old girl in trouble

**mark21742** · 04-14-2011, 09:37 AM

Ok, right now our 11 year o ld daughter is grounded for stealing one of her friend's ipod... now today get a call from school that she is suspended for insighting a mass fight club kind of thing and getting 1st graders to beat the hell out of eachother and edging them on.

We have already taken ALL electronics, tv and computer from her for what she did before....what should we do now? I'm lost

**SiggyZ** · 04-14-2011, 09:41 AM

Suspend her from life for at least a month.

**Spaz** · 04-14-2011, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by mark21742

Ok, right now our 11 year o ld daughter is grounded for stealing one of her friend's ipod... now today get a call from school that she is suspended for insighting a mass fight club kind of thing and getting 1st graders to beat the hell out of eachother and edging them on.

We have already taken ALL electronics, tv and computer from her for what she did before....what should we do now? I'm lost

make her read a book that you or the wife have read... mae her write a 10 page report on it... (no large text, no computer, and standard paper size)

take all the stuff she likes and put them in shoe boxes... when she isn't looking take the crap out and hide it... then take her out side and make her watch the boxes burn thinking all her favorite stuff is gone up in smoke...

sit down with her and ask her what the hell her problem is...

**mark21742** · 04-14-2011, 09:50 AM

Just signed her up for her 3rd year of cheering last night... that is gone
Just started swimming. That is gone
Family vacation is gone.

But not really sure if even this will sink in

**mark21742** · 04-14-2011, 09:53 AM

aat 11 she is acting like a dumb ass teenager out of Mean Girls

**KahanaReef** · 04-14-2011, 09:56 AM

Has anything out of the ordinary happened in her life recently? I think I would take this as a sign that as she gets older, she may have bigger problems. You need to nip it in the bud.

Have you had a serious sit down talk with her to find out what's going on in her life. The kind of friends she hangs out with at school. Are her grades suffering?

Taking away all privileges like you have is a must. But, you may also need to dig a little deeper to find out why she has been participating in such activities.

**SiggyZ** · 04-14-2011, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by KahanaReef

Has anything out of the ordinary happened in her life recently? I think I would take this as a sign that as she gets older, she may have bigger problems. You need to nip it in the bud.

Have you had a serious sit down talk with her to find out what's going on in her life. The kind of friends she hangs out with at school. Are her grades suffering?

Taking away all privileges like you have is a must. But, you may also need to dig a little deeper to find out why she has been participating in such activities.

I'd have to agree with that one. My lady friends youngest son gets into more fights than usual at school and gets suspended for it. She dealt with a bitter divorce where obviously the children are in the middle and this is likely his way of reacting to it.

**jrbonds** · 04-14-2011, 10:02 AM

Im having issues with my 14 year old. I had to take away her privileges, all of them. Even friends. I go through her stuff in her room. First time I did that and told her I did, she got mad and I told her as her mother and legal guardian it was my right. Start respecting me and the rules and I won't do it again.

I also made her write 1500 times that she has to respect herself, others and her parents and then humiliated her on facebook and every relative or my friends that I seen.

**mark21742** · 04-14-2011, 10:15 AM

Her mom and I have been together for over 4 years now and her dad and his wife have been together for longer than that. She is a mostly A student with a B here and there. Had the same friends for years and nothing has changed for a long time except for her behavior here in the last 2 months.

When you sit down and try to talk to her she just shrugs, crys and says she doesn't know

**KahanaReef** · 04-14-2011, 10:20 AM

Something is going on. And, she knows what it is. She just doesn't want to tell you what it is.

I would start with her friends. Does she have one or two in particular that she spends a lot of time with? If so, call their parents and find out if they have been seeing a difference in their daughters behavior as well.

**ibanez7** · 04-14-2011, 10:21 AM

as spaz and kahana said...

discuss and find out what is causing the outbreak... child hood anger/acting out always has a deep seeding reason. Where most parents fail as parents and fail the child is by never finding out what that reason is. they only punish the action and wish future ones dont happen...

a scare lesson can be involved too. invite a police officer over to scare her regarding the theft incident and fight club organization.. this can help make her realize the reality of her actions.

**ibanez7** · 04-14-2011, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by mark21742

Her mom and I have been together for over 4 years now and her dad and his wife have been together for longer than that. She is a mostly A student with a B here and there. Had the same friends for years and nothing has changed for a long time except for her behavior here in the last 2 months.

When you sit down and try to talk to her she just shrugs, crys and says she doesn't know

without knowing her.. could be a mix of hormones and pre-teen angst..

some handle it ok, others crack.
is there anything at school she could be getting teased about?

**Spaz** · 04-14-2011, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by mark21742

Her mom and I have been together for over 4 years now and her dad and his wife have been together for longer than that. She is a mostly A student with a B here and there. Had the same friends for years and nothing has changed for a long time except for her behavior here in the last 2 months.

When you sit down and try to talk to her she just shrugs, crys and says she doesn't know

my daughter will do that from time to time but then she'll talk eventually... has her dad and his wife tried talking to her??? i'd get all 5 together and talk...

**KahanaReef** · 04-14-2011, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by Spaz

my daughter will do that from time to time but then she'll talk eventually... has her dad and his wife tried talking to her??? i'd get all 5 together and talk...

This is also a very good idea. The more people that confront her, the better.

**WICKEDLS1** · 04-14-2011, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by jrbonds

Im having issues with my 14 year old. I had to take away her privileges, all of them. Even friends. I go through her stuff in her room. First time I did that and told her I did, she got mad and I told her as her mother and legal guardian it was my right. Start respecting me and the rules and I won't do it again.

I also made her write 1500 times that she has to respect herself, others and her parents and then humiliated her on facebook and every relative or my friends that I seen.

damn i guess i was a good kid

i think i was only grounded once because i beat up a neighbor kid when i was 5 because he made fun of my bike or something like that

back on topic: my sister did these same things as well as many others and it got so bad that even after taking her to counciling. my mom had to send her to a girls ranch in missouri. however she is 17 so the problem wasnt delt with soon enough

**Zapper2003** · 04-14-2011, 11:04 AM

Rule number one...You don't talk about Fight Club!

**Spaz** · 04-14-2011, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by Zapper2003

Rule number one...You don't talk about Fight Club!

holy shit...

i just shot snot all over the place...

**cuervo25_1** · 04-14-2011, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by ibanez7

without knowing her.. could be a mix of hormones and pre-teen angst..

some handle it ok, others crack.
is there anything at school she could be getting teased about?

Yup thats what I am thinking,It may take her Mom talking to her about it. Some things just takes women to do. Could she also have a group she is trying to be friends with ,trying to fit in, new friends that are the type that you would rather her to stay far away from? so many possibilities at that age.

If worse comes to worse have your wife take her to the police station and have a female officer let her know what will happen if she continues on this path.

**mark21742** · 04-14-2011, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by KahanaReef

Something is going on. And, she knows what it is. She just doesn't want to tell you what it is.

I would start with her friends. Does she have one or two in particular that she spends a lot of time with? If so, call their parents and find out if they have been seeing a difference in their daughters behavior as well.

Luckily she does have a few good friends and Shannon and I are pretty hood friends with their parents, so we normally know what is going on before the kids do