more of YOU MIGHT BE A RICER IF

[Jays00ss]

You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.

You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.

Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.

You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.

You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual

DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.

Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.

A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.

Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire/wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.

The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...

Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".

Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.

You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.

You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.

You bring a empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.

Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...

Your knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."

You push your through the staging lanes just so you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.

You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...

The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.

You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!

You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.

You install clear corner and brake lights to be different.

You install colored bulbs in your clear lenses.

You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.

You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match

Your rear spoiler is taller then you are.

You can fist f**k your exhaust tip.

You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!

Your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.

Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.

EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.

You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang GT.

You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.

You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.

The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.

If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.

You think the Del Sol is a sports car...

You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance.

You think that horsepower is far more important than torque.

You have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 10 HP.

You have ever considered installing more than one set of fog/driving lights.

You claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.

Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive.

You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...

You removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.

You think the Fugees are 'speed' music.

MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.

Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.

Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")

The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.

You cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.

You have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.

You think that 280 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.

You have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.

You think pushrods are a bad thing…

Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.

Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tech or a TYPE-R.

You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.

You gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…

You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.

You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.

You can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.

You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.

You have ever thought Hyundai and "PERFORMANCE" went hand in hand

You've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...

You've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…

You've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...

You have more neon lights on your car then a strip club...

You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2 or Ford Probe...

You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.

You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and its peeling.

You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.

You own a V-TECH Hyundai or Mazda
(especially a V-TECH ROTORY Mazda RX-7)

You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment

You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.

It takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.

You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool

You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible

If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers

If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators

You have a FRONT wing.

You lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers

You equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™

You think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool

You think colored head lights work better

Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!

You take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it

You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch

You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.

You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.

You claim you lost because you missed a shift.. and your car is an automatic.

You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..

Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.

After losing you flip your opponent off.. rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.

Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".

You are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin?"

Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideway ...

[Jays00ss]

EVEN MORE

You drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.

You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring

You take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and relatively easy to get into."

You have NOS on your windsheild, but not on your engine

You have an SAFC hooked up to your carbureted Toyota Corolla

You think HP stands for Honda Prelude

You have stick on hood pins

You have a kia with numbers shoe-polished on the windows.

You need a yardstick to measure your spoiler.

You've ever used a blue magic marker to color your headlight bulbs.

You recorded a neighbor's corvette revving, and you play the tape full blast at redlights.

Weedeaters chase you down trying to mate with your car.

You think red and yellow match.

You have japanese stickers on your VW/neon/cavalier,etc.

You think timeslips are what you get when you clock out at mcdonald's.

Neighborhood strays sleep in your exhaust tips.

You have no hood on your car.

You could only afford a half pint of PPG chromallusion flip-flop pearl, so you just had the hood sprayed.

You think mustangs are fast.

You come to the track with a carbon fiber hood, alloy tuner wheels, no bumpers, only a plastic driver's seat, but a 300 pound speaker box in the hatchback.

You have a zigzag antenna.

You think people like your car and they don't.

You think plastic intercoolers on a hyundai fools anyone.

You have $2000 Ground FX and a $200 car.

You spray paint your hood black to make it look like carbon fiber.

Your wheels hang out 6 to 12 inch from your wheel wells.

Those wheels are 6 to 8 inch in diameter w/ gold and chrome plated.

You think economy cars are the shit.

Your car's panel are all different colors from add-ons.

You have Japanese/Korean lettering all over your car.

You put Lamborghini style doors on you CIVIC.

Your windshield banner is so big you can only see just over the steering wheel.

The inside of your car glows so bright at night that you look like your are all green or blue.

You have the word VTEC in bold letters and Highlighted.

You think VTEC is fast.

You have 14" inch rims

You have a spoiler longer than your car's length.

You here farting noises comming from your exhust.

you pump up your speakers to overcome the noise of your exhaust.

You have a disco club inside your car.

You have a boost gauge mounted in your car and no turbo.

Your exhaust pipe is bigger than your house.

Anything extra you put on your car is worth more than the car itself.

Your spoiler is taller than your car when its on the ground.

Your Tach will gauge more than twice as much rpm as your engine will produce

You mount ground effects with woodscrews

You make ground effects with sheet aluminum

Your F1 style spoiler is more adjustable than your seat

You have chrome wheel covers with built in fake cross-drilled rotors

You have Mugen stickers, but no Honda/Acura

You use badging off of a completely different make of car on your car

You have so many flourescent colors on your car it glows in the dark

You colored in your accessories with a magic marker

Your interior is totally yellow or totally red

You have stickers larger than your side window

You have a large sticker of a japanease cartoon character prominantly placed on your car.

You put your automatic car in neutral and roll back at lights to make it look like you have a manual.

When you shop for an exhaust system for you car, you bring a Folgers can with you to compare size.

Your mod list includes stickers for 20 aftermarket companies, but the only "performance" part you have on your car is that 5in Autometer tach.

Your lighted 5in autometetach isn't really hooked up (but the backlight is)

You have to wear sunglasses at night (from all the cheap indiglo you can't dim because you didn't install it right)

You put credit cards so they hit the spokes of your 100 spoke wheels so it makes that "cool noise we all made on our bikes as kids"

You install a turbo on your car, with no innards

You have friends "steal" your interior so you can get insurance money for it, and buy aftermarket racing seats and a chrome fire extinguisher... and gas for a couple months.

You put fender flares and wider tires in the rear of your car... when it's FWD.

You can only take your girfriend to mc'ds... since you blew all your money on your 20" tires that you have to keep replacing, since your car cannot be aligned because it's too low to the ground. (heard of that from one of my friends)

You have excessive debt on your credit cards for car mod expenditures... and you can still not get out of the 15 sec range!

You use AOL, AND TYPE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS... and don't know any better.

You buy an Acura hood ornament and flip it over so your Honda has a really cool H.

You put an ENORMOUS Honda "H" on your back windshield.

You put an ENORMOUS "V-TECH" sticker across your front windshield.

You install a short-throw shifter on an automatic trans.

You install hydraulics to raise your car in case you encounter a speed bump.

You have more than two different shades of tint on your car.

When shopping a junkyard for parts for your Honda you find a wrecked Supra and yell, "Jackpot!"

You have a "Powered by Acura" sticker on your car.

You put a Type R emblem on a car that it does not belong on.

You have a big shift light on an automatic.

You can only afford the 2 rear aftermarket wheels and keep the factory "slicks" with hubcaps up front.

You paint a fire extinguisher Krylon blue and put a NOS sticker on it.

You get clear tails and put red tape back on so you can have just clear turns.

Your shift light is bigger then your Mag-Lite.

Your rear end looks exactly like your front end.

Dragon Ball Z seems to be your sponser.

You start pulling people over with your lights.

You brag about beating a Mustang V-6, 1979.

You drive around with your racing helmet.

You NEED a fire extinguisher in your car.

You think that every sticker you put on your car adds at least 2 HP.

Whenever a bee flies around your head, you think a vtec honda is coming.

You run 12's... in the 1/8.

You have racing harnesses in a 15 second car.

Your racing harnesses aren't bolted down.

You can't afford the center caps to go with your wheels.

You drive around in 1st gear to make everyone notice your car.

You can't tell when your ultra-low-profile tire is flat.

You have static cling decals that you put on your mom's 4dr civic and remove at the end of the night.

You have glitter tint or mirror tint.

You race with 4 people in your car.

You do a water burnout at the track on street tires.

You have a "calvin peeing on..." sticker.

You think your saturn is fast.

You think any classic car is a slow, heavy boat.

You replaced your windows with plastic wrap.

You have no carpet in your CRX.

You wear a 3lb figaro chain on your neck.

You think your mom's Expedition is "phat, yo" or "the bomb, yo".

You say "yo" after every sentence, yo.

Your car looks like a cartoon.

You hang out at a speed shop, but never buy anything and have a slow car.

You claim every speed shop/tint shop is owned by "my boy".

You wear a visor.

You and your friend can both fit in your pants.

You purposely hit every water puddle so you can spin your tires.

Your dream car is a vtec civic.

You think honda del sol's are exotics.

You make a chirping noise every time you get out of your car, so people think you have an alarm.

Your alarm is the most expensive think in your car.

You set your alarm off on purpose to get attention.

You drive slumped down with your head by the door panel.

[Rikki_SeVeN]

... subscribed just so I could have more time to read it all...

[splitfinger09]

hahaha yep that just about sums it up

[fluke]

"You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!"

NOOOO dang you 1000w system in my Thunderbird!

[Toyota h8r]

Im guilty of two outta that list LOL!

Turbo/vacuum gauge in a car w/o a turbo(i use to read vacuum on a carb'd car)

5" monster tach that i only use half of scale(hey it was free.....)

My S10 5 spd didnt come with a tach....had one laying around.....put it on LOL

damn im a ricer..........

[0to60n4.5]

"You bring a empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system."

I actually put one on my sons Beretta for laughs. Then he left it on for a few weeks for more laughs.

[suede]

The best one........... You think Mustangs are fast ROTFFL

[snaggeltooth]

You have a "calvin peeing on..." sticker
good debate ... is that rice or redneck ???

[Put name here]

HAHAHA!! thats funny!! theres this CRX running around here that fits the bill on most of that lol.

[fluke]

Oh man, I found another one I am currently guilty of:

"You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment"

I have a little neon tube in my Thunderbird's trunk for a trunk light. No one ever sees it but me.. so it isn't that bad I guess, haha.

[0rion]

3rd brake light on the spoiler and in the back glass........my GTO has that.

[0rion]

Reading that reminded me of something that happened when I was 16. I had a 75 cutlass and I wanted duals on it. My dad tried to talk me into mounting just an extra pipe on the drivers side to make it look like duals. This was in 86 so ricers weren't even thought of yet. I ended up getting dual exhaust thanks to my drunk uncle who was sitting on a chunk of money because he worked the river boats and did 30 on 15 off and I caught him on his first day off when he still had money and was trashed. He paid to have duals put on my car and his early 70's LTD. Sobered up a couple days later and I had to pay him back .

[Blitzed]

Reading that reminded me of something that happened when I was 16. I had a 75 cutlass and I wanted duals on it. My dad tried to talk me into mounting just an extra pipe on the drivers side to make it look like duals. This was in 86 so ricers weren't even thought of yet. I ended up getting dual exhaust thanks to my drunk uncle who was sitting on a chunk of money because he worked the river boats and did 30 on 15 off and I caught him on his first day off when he still had money and was trashed. He paid to have duals put on my car and his early 70's LTD. Sobered up a couple days later and I had to pay him back .

Drunk people suck


one time my alky dad beat my ass with a bat because I didn't get my mom a "happy mothersday" card LMFAO

[Y2KPewterSS]

I always wanted to rice out my Honda by doing the folgers/maxwell can, thats a great picture

[Toyota h8r]

"You bring a empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system."

I actually put one on my sons Beretta for laughs. Then he left it on for a few weeks for more laughs.

Thats a GTZ......is that the turbo model? No joking.....ive heard there was a turbo 5spd Beretta

[JwMonE99]

It takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.


That made me lol

[0to60n4.5]

Thats a GTZ......is that the turbo model? No joking.....ive heard there was a turbo 5spd Beretta

It happens to be a Turbo , only because he put one on it.

They had an H/O Quad 4 from the factory ( 180 HP ) , and it is a 5 speed.

[Speedy_Gonzales]

Reading that reminded me of something that happened when I was 16. I had a 75 cutlass and I wanted duals on it. My dad tried to talk me into mounting just an extra pipe on the drivers side to make it look like duals. This was in 86 so ricers weren't even thought of yet. I ended up getting dual exhaust thanks to my drunk uncle who was sitting on a chunk of money because he worked the river boats and did 30 on 15 off and I caught him on his first day off when he still had money and was trashed. He paid to have duals put on my car and his early 70's LTD. Sobered up a couple days later and I had to pay him back .

man thats funny

[nitrox28]

DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.