Need advice...lots of adice. Long.

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 07:50 PM

I know it's kinda weird posting this stuff on a car forum but I figure with the enormous amount of combined experience on here some people will actually have had, at least somewhat, the same experience.

So let me give you some background...

I've been in the navy for 13 years, I am an E-6, and the Leading Petty officer of my division. I was married for 10 years, have 2 kids, and she cheated on me while the ship sent me to school for 3 months. I found out when I got home and left her that day. We then left on deployment and she moved, with him and my kids, to South Carolina. I can't stand her, but my kids being so far away is whats killing me. Anyway, contrary to what you probably think this thread is about, it's actually about my current love life dilemma.

For the last 6 months I have been screwing around with this girl, a chief on another ship. It has just been a friends with benefits thing, which I've been perfectly happy with. I get the feeling she is trying to move it to a more serious relationship which isn't going to happen. No big deal, I know we will remain friends, regardless. Here's the thing...Last year we got a new Division officer and it happened to be a girl from one of my previous ships. Automatically this gives us a connection, again, no big deal. But while on deployment we became pretty good friends...close friends. We just got back last week and we've been hanging around constantly. At first I thought it was just a friends thing but since we got back I've found myself drawn more to her. Now for any that don't know alot about the military, they frown pretty hard on this. In fact it is a career killer. But I get out in less than 2 years (much better job offers and I will finish my 5 in the reserves) and she leaves in 6 months to go to another command...far away. She only has 2 years till she gets out also. Here's the clincher. I'm not even sure if she is interested in me that way. I've been dating on and off for about a year but I'm still having difficulties remembering how to do the whole dating thing. My difficiencies are: The last couple years of my marriage left me with low self esteem, I have a fear of rejection which keeps me from being able to ask her if she wants to take it up to another level and I'm a little shy. The shyness thing isn't a problem since we are already pretty close but it's the fear of rejection that's gonna kill it for me.

About her:

Obviously she is very special to me, otherwise why would I post this. I have spent alot of time with her between deployment and now so I know how good of a match we would make. I'm not trying to marry her but I want to date her, see where things go. She leaves in 6 months and I have to move fast if I want to be able to spend enough time with her to find out if it is something that would work. We have a good amount of things in common but not everything. She likes to dance, me, not so much. I'm a scuba diver, her, probably never will. Which is fine with me, we should have things of our own but I am willing to try some new stuff with her.

The real problem:

I'm not sure if she feels the same way about me. But here is what happens when we hang out. Let me know if there is signs here or if I'm just being retarded. Like I said, it's basically like I'm new to the dating thing...again.

When we are at work and we are looking at something on the computer (work schedule, spreadsheet, etc.) she seems to always make some kind of contact with me. Not like "Oops, sorry I bumped into you." but more like she almost lays across my arm or my side. Is this because she is just trying to get closer to the computer or to me? Also whenever we go out she dresses up in really nice clothing. She dresses nicely everyday, wears shirts that show some cleavage. But the other day I called her and asked if she wanted to go to dinner. She said yes and told me to pick her up around 6. When I got there she was trying to pick out an outfit. When she finally finished and came out, I was like

she was amazing. She was wearing a nice dress, all made up, the type of thing you would expect from a date. We had a great night and at the end...cause I'm a pussy and didn't try to kiss her...she gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. Almost a friendly kiss but then the next day we wnt out again and at the end of the night I helped her carry some bags to her apartment and she invited me in and she showed me pictures of her family and stuff. We were laying on the floor in her bedroom and we were close and she would lean against me then she would change position and scoot away from me. As I was leaving she said "wait" and ran over and kissed me on the cheek again. Of course the whole way to my car I was cursing myself for not doing anything. Also everytime we go out she tells me about some guys who she had dated and that she didn't like for one reason or another. I don't know if she is trying to hint that she is single and wants me to ask her out or if she is hinting that she just wants to be friends. But shes got to know that I'm working my way into this. I've been putting out my signs too. My question is: How do I find out for sure? I can't just ask, I've tried to make myself but when the time comes I seize up. I know if this does start it's going to be quite a bit more complicated than normal. I am going to have to talk to her about this. About my willingness to ensure it doesn't affect our work relationship and that we keep it on the DL. Both areas I have had some, successful, experience in.

I know what people are thinking already. "It's not going to work", "Wait 2 years and try it then.", "Think about your career", etc. But here's the thing. I don't know if I can make myself wait or even if I want to. I'm in that place already where I constantly think about her, trouble sleeping, etc.

Ahhhh. WTF should I do?

Anyway thanks for any and all advise. And thanks for bearing through this whole long ridiculous rant.

**Sassy Cassie** · 10-31-2007, 08:02 PM

I don't know if I'm overly agressive but I've always made it very clear when I've been interested in someone.

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 08:06 PM

Yeah there is the problem. Before I got married I never had to make a move. The moves usually got made for me one way or another. I was, lets say, attractive back then. Maybe being married for 10 years killed all that.

**FuhBreezeE** · 10-31-2007, 08:08 PM

Just kiss her, easiest way to find out. It's going to be extremely hard for us to give you an answer seeing as we aren't there and have no first-hand experience of the matter. I'm rooting for you, we've all been there (laying in bed with her on your mind). Next time you walk her to her door, or your leaving her place just lean in and see what she does. Not much else I can offer! Good luck!

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 08:17 PM

I know what your saying and believe me I've been to that edge. But as soon as the moment comes I say good night and walk away and feel like an a-hole for the rest of the night.

But thanks for the vote of confidence. I'll let you know how it turns out. One way or another I have to do something. I gotta know.

**FuhBreezeE** · 10-31-2007, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by !!!FAST!!!

I know what your saying and believe me I've been to that edge. But as soon as the moment comes I say good night and walk away and feel like an a-hole for the rest of the night.

But thanks for the vote of confidence. I'll let you know how it turns out. One way or another I have to do something. I gotta know.

You can't keep doing this to yourself, you must do something or you'll hate yourself for a long time. If it's there than GREAT! If not, then you still have a wonderful friend. It's almost win-win!

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 08:33 PM

Originally Posted by fabrizi

You can't keep doing this to yourself, you must do something or you'll hate yourself for a long time. If it's there than GREAT! If not, then you still have a wonderful friend. It's almost win-win!

You're right. Now I just have to build up enough courage to get to that door and finish the "plan".

**FuhBreezeE** · 10-31-2007, 08:35 PM

Come back and ask for the confidence, we can hype you up!

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 08:44 PM

Well I'm going there tomorrow morning after I get off duty so we'll see.

BTW she loves the Trans Am.

**FuhBreezeE** · 10-31-2007, 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by !!!FAST!!!

Well I'm going there tomorrow morning after I get off duty so we'll see.

BTW she loves the Trans Am.

and now we love her! Good choice!

Post a pic of your Bird!

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 09:04 PM

I will have to post them tomorrow. The filters here won't allow me to go to my photobucket account. But I have them on my Myspace.

myspace.com/chboz

**FuhBreezeE** · 10-31-2007, 09:07 PM

!!!FAST!!!'s Ride!

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 09:08 PM

Hey thanks alot. I appreciate that.

Damn that's a sexy car.

**FuhBreezeE** · 10-31-2007, 09:10 PM

How can the chick not love you? Black Ws6?

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 09:20 PM

True. Very true.

**ArcticZ06** · 10-31-2007, 10:17 PM

Dude if you were laying on her bedroom floor and she was showing you pictures and you didnt make a move then its probably driving her crazy. Shes even doing the accidentall boob touching on your arm. I always take that as an obvious hint. Anyways, maybe she doesnt want anything serious. Just work up to kissing her and see where it goes from there.

So why dont you just finish your 20 and rake in the retirement?

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 10:35 PM

I am a Gas Turbine Mechanic. I have my EOOW letter (Engineering Officer of the Watch...Big), my Journeyman's licence, and 13 years experience. I have been a supervisor for 8 years and in about a year and a half I'll have a Bachelors in Engineering. When I put all that on my resume and sent it out last year I got quite a few offers that, if I could've left then, I would've. I've just gotten to the point in my life that says I need to start a real life. Retirement never really made much of a difference to me. I can still finish out my time in the reserves and get the same retirement from that. The difference is that I'll have to wait until normal retirement age to get it. But my the job I should get will pay me enough to where I wouldn't be worried about the retirement money anyway. I haven't quit yet though, I'll just have to see what comes down the road.

Thanks for the advise too. I think what is worrying me the most is that damn fear of rejection. Normally it wouldn't be this bad because I probably wouldn't have to see her again. But I have to see her everyday and if she isn't in the same place I'm in than that could prove to be quite awkward for me. But like I said I gotta know. Something is gonna have to give or else I'm gonna go mad.

**ArcticZ06** · 10-31-2007, 10:41 PM

If you dont make a move and never find out that will hurt a lot more than getting rejected. There is a girl now that Ive been running through the "what ifs" in my head. Think Im gonna have to finally do something about it!

**!!!FAST!!!** · 10-31-2007, 10:51 PM

Good point. I'm going over there tomorrow morning and I'll probably spend the day with her...again. So I guess that would be a good time to figure it all out. I'll keep you posted on what happens. Thanks for your advise bro.